Before New Year’s Eve, Palaiophron tweeted the following from Simonides:
“Having drunk much, eaten much, and talked a lot of shit about people, here lie I, Timocreon of Rhodes.”#Simonides pic.twitter.com/JQVERUFkvG
— sententiae antiquae (@sentantiq) December 30, 2017
In desperation and joy, I scoured book seven of the Greek Anthology looking for more. I did not find any the equal of Simonides’ genius above, but here are some others.
Julian 33
“You died from drinking too much, Anacreon.”
“Yes, it was fun! You’ll die too, even though you didn’t drink”
Πολλὰ πιὼν τέθνηκας, Ἀνάκρεον. β. Ἀλλὰ
τρυφήσας· καὶ σὺ δὲ μὴ πίνων ἵξεαι εἰς Ἀΐδην.
Julian
“I have sung this much and I will sing it from eternal rest:
Drink before you don this dusty dress!”
Πολλάκι μὲν τόδ᾿ ἄεισα, καὶ ἐκ τύμβου δὲ βοήσω·
“Πίνετε, πρὶν ταύτην ἀμφιβάλησθε κόνιν
Antipater 15
“My name is Sappho—and I surpassed women in song
As much as Homer did the men.”
Οὔνομά μευ Σαπφώ. τόσσον δ᾿ ὑπερέσχον ἀοιδὰν
θηλειᾶν, ἀνδρῶν ὅσσον ὁ Μαιονίδας.
Anonymous, 28
‘Stranger going by this tomb of Anakreon,
Pour me some wine as you pass by. For I am a drinker.”
Ὦ ξένε, τόνδε τάφον τὸν Ἀνακρείοντος ἀμείβων,
σπεῖσόν μοι παριών· εἰμὶ γὰρ οἰνοπότης.
Anonymous 63
“Ferryman of the corpses, take me, the dog Diogenes
Who exposed all of life’s affectations.”
Τὸν κύνα Διογένη, νεκυοστόλε, δέξο με, πορθμεῦ,
γυμνώσαντα βίου παντὸς ἐπισκύνιον.
Anonymous 84
“This grave is small, but its fame is equal to heaven
For this is the memorial of the brilliant Thales”
Ἦ ὀλίγον τόδε σᾶμα, τὸ δὲ κλέος οὐρανόμηκες
τοῦ πολυφροντίστου τοῦτο Θάλητος ὅρη.
Anonymous 134
“Here lies the head of the Cynic Gorgias,
No longer coughing or blowing my nose”
Ἐνθάδε Γοργίου ἡ κεφαλὴ κυνικοῦ κατάκειμαι,
οὐκέτι χρεμπτομένη, οὔτ᾿ ἀπομυσσομένη.
Anonymous 348
“After eating little, drinking little, and being sick a lot
Eventually I died. Go to hell the rest of you too!”
Βαιὰ φαγὼν καὶ βαιὰ πιὼν καὶ πολλὰ νοσήσας,
ὀψὲ μέν, ἀλλ᾿ ἔθανον. ἔρρετε πάντες ὁμοῦ.
Erycius 377
“Even though he lies in the ground, pour out pitch
In the filthy mouth of Parthenius
Because he puked meaningless myriad floods on the muses
And his refuse of his repugnant poems.
”He was so absolutely crazy that he called
The Odyssey mud and the Iliad a mess.
That’s why he is chained by the dusky Furies
In the middle of hell with a dog collar on his neck”
Εἰ καὶ ὑπὸ χθονὶ κεῖται, ὅμως ἔτι καὶ κατὰ πίσσαν
τοῦ μιαρογλώσσου χεύατε Παρθενίου,
οὕνεκα Πιερίδεσσιν ἐνήμεσε μυρία κεῖνα
φλέγματα καὶ μυσαρῶν ἀπλυσίην ἐλέγων.
ἤλασε καὶ μανίης ἐπὶ δὴ τόσον, ὥστ᾿ ἀγορεῦσαι
πηλὸν Ὀδυσσείην καὶ βάτον Ἰλιάδα.
τοιγὰρ ὑπὸ ζοφίαισιν Ἐρινύσιν ἀμμέσον ἧπται
Κωκυτοῦ κλοιῷ λαιμὸν ἀπαγχόμενος.
some of these are hilarious