Large Leo and his Larger Wife

From the Suda

“Leôn, the son of Leôn. He was a Peripatetic philosopher and sophist, a student of Plato or, as some claim, of Aristotle. He wrote about the time of Philip and Byzantium in 7 books, Teuthrantikos, On Bêsaios, On The Sacred War, Concerning Disagreements, and A History of Alexander.

He was very fat. And when he was on a delegation to Athens he both prompted laughter and secured the embassy’s mission, all while he appeared drinking wine with an enormous belly. When he wasn’t at all troubled by the laughter, he said “Why are you laughing Athenians, because I am this fat? My wife is even fatter! And our bed is large enough when we are in agreement—but when we argue, the house is not.” The Athenians came together, united by Leôn who had acted so wisely at the right time.

Philip slandered Leôn when he was trying to keep him from Byzantium in a letter that went like this: “If I gave as much money to Leôn as he asked for, I could have taken Byzantium at the start!” When the people heard these things, they prepared to Attack Leôn’s home. Because he was afraid that they would stone him, he choked himself to death, a wretch who gained nothing from his wisdom and his words.”

Λέων, Λέοντος, Βυζάντιος, φιλόσοφος Περιπατητικὸς καὶ σοφιστής, μαθητὴς Πλάτωνος ἢ ὥς τινες Ἀριστοτέλους. ἔγραψε τὰ κατὰ Φίλιππον καὶ τὸ Βυζάντιον βιβλίοις ζ#, Τευθραντικόν, Περὶ Βησαίου, Τὸν ἱερὸν πόλεμον, Περὶ στάσεων, Τὰ κατ’ Ἀλέξανδρον. οὗτος ἦν σφόδρα παχύς. καὶ πρεσβεύσας πρὸς Ἀθηναίους γέλωτά τε ἐκίνησε καὶ τῆς πρεσβείας ἐκράτησεν, ἐπειδὴ πίων ἐφαίνετο καὶ περιττὸς τὴν γαστέρα. ταραχθεὶς δὲ οὐδὲν ἀπὸ τοῦ γέλωτος, τί, ἔφη, ὦ Ἀθηναῖοι γελᾶτε; ἢ ὅτι παχὺς ἐγὼ καὶ τοσοῦτος; ἔστι μοι καὶ γυνὴ πολλῷ παχυτέρα, καὶ ὁμονοοῦντας μὲν ἡμᾶς χωρεῖ ἡ κλίνη, διαφερομένους δὲ οὐδὲ ἡ οἰκία. καὶ εἰς ἓν ἦλθεν ὁ τῶν Ἀθηναίων δῆμος, ἁρμοσθεὶς ὑπὸ τοῦ Λέοντος, σαφῶς ἐπισχεδιάσαντος τῷ καιρῷ. οὗτος ὁ Λέων ἀποκρουόμενος τὸν Φίλιππον ἀπὸ τοῦ Βυζαντίου διεβλήθη παρὰ Φιλίππου πρὸς τοὺς Βυζαντίους δι’ ἐπιστολῆς, ἐχούσης οὕτως: εἰ τοσαῦτα χρήματα παρεῖχον Λέοντι, ὁπόσα με ᾐτεῖτο, ἐκ πρώτης ἂν ἔλαβον τὸ Βυζάντιον. ταῦτα ἀκούσαντος τοῦ δήμου καὶ ἐπισυστάντος τῇ οἰκίᾳ τοῦ Λέοντος, φοβηθεὶς μή πως λιθόλευστος παρ’ αὐτῶν γένηται, ἑαυτὸν ἦγξε, μηδὲν ἀπὸ τῆς σοφίας καὶ τῶν λόγων κερδάνας ὁ δείλαιος.

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