This is the final day of round 1 of the Non-Atreid, Non-Achilles Iliadic Hero Bracket tournament to once and for all establish the second best of the Achaeans.
“Achilles would not have had long hair if Thersites had not been bald.”
καὶ οὐκ ἂν ἦν Ἀχιλλεὺς κομήτης εἰ μὴ φαλακρὸς Θερσίτης. #Plutarch
The Achaean camp assembled with a buzz for the best match-up of round 1. Standing in one corner was the Lokrian speedster, a man known for his fast spear and his scatological mouth. In the other? The ugly scourge of leaders and kings, the wild son of Agrios, the sharp-tongued, fast witted Thersites. Bold words, fast feet–who wins?
As the two faced off, all were surprised by Thersites’ silence. The bent-over figure stood with his shield raised and two spears in the ground, his hand on his sword hilt. The Lokrian runner shouted, “Aitolian, bold-of-speech with a sparrow’s heart / where are your taunts now when you said you’d put your sword right into my belly? / I’m hungry for murder and no man or god alive will keep me from you”. As he said his last words he ran forward, releasing one spear, then another.
The first spear hit Thersites’ shield on the left side, drawing him to that side as the second spear landed into his exposed right thigh. As the crowd gasped, Thersites stood motionless and everyone was shocked when they realized Ajax the lesser was sprawled out near Thersites’ feet. He tripped and no one could see how he fell. Their gaze turned quickly to Thersites, calmly lowering his blade into the fallen man’s spine.
Uncharacteristically, Thersites said little as he drew his sword, and turned away with only the shadow of a grin on his face. Only Diomedes noticed Odysseus backing away from the contest ground, obscuring the print of his foot where the Lokrian had lost his way. Gazing at Odysseus, Diomedes said to Thersites, “Be bold and sit down*–you need to rest up to fight me next”
*θαρσέων καθίζευ, a play on Thersites’ name.
Recap the Action!