Martial, Epigrams 9.70: Cicero had a Reason to Lament, You Don’t

January 17, 2015January 17, 2015 ~ sententiaeantiquae ~ 1 Comment

“Cicero once said “What customs, what times!”
As Cataline laid out his sinful designs
And when a son and father-in-law met with dread arms
And dyed the ground red with civil blood.
But why do you repeat “What Customs, What times” now
What can displease you now? Caecilianus, what is it?
We have no clash of kings or insanity of sword.
Our customs don’t make you hate your own times,
but your own do, Caecilianus.”

Dixerat ‘O mores! O tempora!’ Tullius olim,
sacrilegum strueret cum Catilina nefas,
cum gener atque socer diris concurreret armis
maestaque civili caede maderet humus.
cur nunc ‘O mores!’ cur nunc ‘O tempora!’ dicis? 5
quod tibi non placeat, Caeciliane, quid est?
nulla ducum feritas, nulla est insania ferri;
pace frui certa laetitiaque licet.
Non nostri faciunt tibi quod tua tempora sordent,
sed faciunt mores, Caeciliane, tui.

The Difference Between a Finger and a Penis: Martial 6.23 (NSFW)

January 12, 2015January 12, 2015 ~ Erik ~ 5 Comments

Caveat Lector: As so often with Martial, this epigram may be offensive to some.

“Lesbia, you’re always ordering my penis to stand up for you. Believe me, a cock isn’t like a finger! You can urge upon it with a coaxing voice or coaxing hands, but your bossy face is just getting in the way.”

Stare iubes semper nostrum tibi, Lesbia, penem:
crede mihi, non est mentula quod digitus.
Tu licet et manibus blandis et uocibus instes,
te contra facies imperiosa tua est

Martial on Marrying a Rich Wife (Epigrams, 8.12)

January 11, 2015 ~ sententiaeantiquae ~ Leave a comment

“You wonder why I’d prefer not to marry a wealthy wife?
I’d rather not be me my wife’s bride.
Priscus, a wife should be lower than her husband;
There’s no other way for man and woman to be equal.”

Vxorem quare locupletem ducere nolim
quaeritis? Vxori nubere nolo meae.
Inferior matrona suo sit, Prisce, marito:
non aliter fiunt femina uirque pares.

This poem is slightly offensive, but more than slightly humorous.

(NSFW) Famous Indulgences: Martial 2.89

December 8, 2014 ~ Erik ~ 6 Comments

“Gaurus, I can pardon you when you have fun drawing out your night with too much wine: that was Cato’s vice too. You ought to be praised when you write poems without the blessing of Apollo or the Muses, for that was Cicero’s vice. When you vomit, you share Antonius’ vice, and when you indulge yourself, that of Apicius. But tell me: whose vice do you share when you gorge yourself on cock?”

Quod nimio gaudes noctem producere uino
ignosco: uitium, Gaure, Catonis habes.
Carmina quod scribis Musis et Apolline nullo
laudari debes: hoc Ciceronis habes.
Quod uomis, Antoni: quod luxuriaris, Apici.
Quod fellas, uitium dic mihi cuius habes?

NOTE: Cato, despite his censorious attitude, was a heavy drinker. Cicero’s poetry was much reviled in antiquity. Marc Anthony was known for partying, and even composed a treatise on his own drunkenness. Apicius was a Roman gourmet.