“Gaurus, I can pardon you when you have fun drawing out your night with too much wine: that was Cato’s vice too. You ought to be praised when you write poems without the blessing of Apollo or the Muses, for that was Cicero’s vice. When you vomit, you share Antonius’ vice, and when you indulge yourself, that of Apicius. But tell me: whose vice do you share when you gorge yourself on cock?”
Quod nimio gaudes noctem producere uino
ignosco: uitium, Gaure, Catonis habes.
Carmina quod scribis Musis et Apolline nullo
laudari debes: hoc Ciceronis habes.
Quod uomis, Antoni: quod luxuriaris, Apici.
Quod fellas, uitium dic mihi cuius habes?
NOTE: Cato, despite his censorious attitude, was a heavy drinker. Cicero’s poetry was much reviled in antiquity. Marc Anthony was known for partying, and even composed a treatise on his own drunkenness. Apicius was a Roman gourmet.
Cuius indeed!
Do tell, is the uitium here a misspelling of vitium, or is there a late Republic alteration I am not aware of?
Actually, I rather unthinkingly copied and pasted this from the Latin Library without concerning myself with orthography, but since you mention it, I actually think that the use of ‘u’ in place of V to be thoroughly barbarous! I know that some people like to use V’s only to match the original unical script which the Romans used (CVRA VT VALEAS), but the idea of replacing v’s with u’s (CURA UT UALEAS) has no sound basis either in orthography or in common sense!
Thanks for bringing this up! Still, I will leave the u’s in place as a warning to myself in the future to copy and paste only specimens of approved Classical orthography.
Not a problem. I did think I had missed something important about Late Republic orthography; i am glad I wasn’t missing a point! I see the need for some individuals to write ‘u’ instead of ‘v’ for the sake of pronunciation, though; although, I am in full agreement with you…barbarism to the core!
When you spend long nights on the piss
– well, that was Cato’s vice.
When you write poems the Muses wouldn’t wipe their arses with
– well, Cicero was just as bad.
When you throw up
– you’re just like Mark Antony!
When you overdo it
– just like Apicius!
When you suck cock
– well, that’s just you.
I did not know that Cato was a heavy drinker…that is delicious coming from the man of moderation and calling out Rome for its modern vices.
Yeah. This one needs to be reposted.