Crazy Love: Xerxes Fell in Love with a Tree (Aelian, Varia Historia 9.39)

“How could someone deny that the following types of love affairs are ridiculous and incredible? They say that Xerxes fell in love with a plane tree. An Athenian youth from a noble family was in love with a statue of Good fortune that stood near the Prytany. He used to show his affection by putting embracing the statue and then, out of mind and struck by desire, he went to the council-chamber and pleaded that he was prepared to spend however much money was needed to buy the statue. When he could not persuade them, he decorated the statue with crowns and garlands and he made a sacrifice, wrapped even more decoration around it, and then ended his own life after weeping endlessly. Some men say that a dog loved Glaukê the Kithara-player; others say it was a ram or a goose. Among the Soloi in Kilikia, a dog was loved by a boy named Xenophon; and at Sparta, a crow fell in love with a good-looking boy.”

Πῶς δὲ οὐκ ἂν φαίη τις γελοίους ἅμα καὶ παραδόξους τούσδε τοὺς ἔρωτας; τὸν μὲν Ξέρξου, ὅτι πλατάνου ἠράσθη. νεανίσκος δὲ ᾿Αθήνησι τῶν εὖ γεγονότων πρὸς τῷ πρυτανείῳ ἀνδριάντος ἑστῶτος τῆς ᾿Αγαθῆς Τύχης θερμότατα ἠράσθη. κατεφίλει γοῦν τὸν ἀνδριάντα περιβάλλων, εἶτα ἐκμανεὶς καὶ οἰστρηθεὶς ὑπὸ τοῦ πόθου, παρελθὼν ἐς τὴν βουλὴν καὶ λιτανεύσας ἕτοιμος ἦν πλείστων χρημάτων τὸ ἄγαλμα πρίασθαι. ἐπεὶ δὲ οὐκ ἔπειθεν, ἀναδήσας πολλαῖς ταινίαις καὶ στεφανώσας τὸ ἄγαλμα καὶ θύσας καὶ κόσμον αὐτῷ περιβαλὼν πολυτελῆ εἶτα ἑαυτὸν ἀπέκτεινε, μυρία προκλαύσας. Γλαύκης δὲ τῆς κιθαρῳδοῦ οἳ μέν φασιν ἐρασθῆναι κύνα, οἳ δὲ κριόν, οἳ δὲ χῆνα. καὶ ἐν Σόλοις δὲ τῆς Κιλικίας παιδὸς Ξενοφῶντος ἠράσθη κύων, ἄλλου δὲ ὡραίου μειρακίου ἐν Σπάρτῃ κολοιός.

Missed Your Target But Hit Your Step-Mother? That’s Not So Bad: Plutarch on Adapting to Chance

Plutarch, On The Tranquility of Mind, 467 C-D

“Thoughtful men–just a bees have find honey in thyme, the most bitter and driest plants–extract something fitting and useful to themselves even from the most adverse situations.

It is necessary that we practice and take care of this first, like the man who missed a dog with a stone but struck his step-mother instead and said “That’s not so bad”. For it is possible to change our reception of chance from undesired outcomes. Diogenes was sent into exile? “That’s not so bad!” For he began to become a philosopher after his exile.”

οἱ δὲ φρόνιμοι, καθάπερ ταῖς μελίτταις μέλι φέρει τὸ δριμύτατον καὶ ξηρότατον ὁ θύμος, οὕτως ἀπὸ τῶν δυσχερεστάτων πολλάκις πραγμάτων οἰκεῖόν τι καὶ χρήσιμον αὑτοῖς λαμβάνουσι.

Τοῦτ’ οὖν δεῖ πρῶτον ἀσκεῖν καὶ μελετᾶν, ὥσπερ ὁ τῆς κυνὸς ἁμαρτὼν τῷ λίθῳ καὶ τὴν μητρυιὰν πατάξας ‘οὐδ’ οὕτως’ ἔφη ‘κακῶς•’ ἔξεστι γὰρ μεθιστάναι τὴν τύχην ἐκ τῶν ἀβουλήτων. ἐφυγαδεύθη Διογένης• ‘οὐδ’ οὕτως κακῶς’• ἤρξατο γὰρ φιλοσοφεῖν μετὰ τὴν φυγήν.

Aratus, Phenomena 1134-43: Mice, Dogs, Crabs and the Weather

“Mice too, if ever squeaking louder in good weather
They leapt and seemed like dancers,
Were not ignored by ancient weathermen.
Nor were dogs, since a dog digs with both paws
Whenever he expects that a storm is coming on.
The mice will prophesy the same storm.
And, truly, the crab comes to land from the water
When the storm comes, seeking to begin a journey.
The mice who turn their strawbeds with feet at day
Long for sleep whenever signs of rain appear.
Disregard none of these things: it is good to find a sign
to confirm another: when two go the same way together,
Hope increases; you can be brave with a third.”

᾿Αλλὰ γὰρ οὐδὲ μύες, τετριγότες εἴ ποτε μᾶλλον
εὔδιοι ἐσκίρτησαν ἐοικότες ὀρχηθμοῖσιν,
ἄσκεπτοι ἐγένοντο παλαιοτέροις ἀνθρώποις,
οὐδὲ κύνες• καὶ γάρ τε κύων ὠρύξατο ποσσὶν
ἀμφοτέροις χειμῶνος ἐπερχομένοιο δοκεύων,
κἀκεῖνοι χειμῶνα μύες τότε μαντεύονται.
[Καὶ μὴν ἐξ ὕδατος καὶ καρκίνος ᾤχετο χέρσον
χειμῶνος μέλλοντος, ἐπαΐσσεσθαι ὁδοῖο.
Καὶ μύες ἡμέριοι ποσσὶ στιβάδα στρωφῶντες
κοίτης ἱμείρονται, ὅτ’ ὄμβρου σήματα φαίνῃ.]
Τῶν μηδὲν κατόνοσσο• καλὸν δ’ ἐπὶ σήματι σῆμα
σκέπτεσθαι• μᾶλλον δὲ δυεῖν εἰς ταὐτὸν ἰόντων
ἐλπωρὴ τελέθοι• τριτάτῳ δέ κε θαρσήσειας.