Truth-Serum in Ancient India

More crazy stuff from Ctesias on India:

 

Photius, Bibliotheca: Codex 72 50a4

“Ctesias records these details and tells these stories and claims that he is writing the truest accounts, insisting that he saw some of the things himself and learned some of the them from others who witnessed them. He says that he left out many other more amazing details because those who had not witnessed them might consider the rest of what wrote incredible.”

Ταῦτα γράφων καὶ μυθολογῶν Κτησίας λέγει τἀληθέστατα γράφειν, ἐπάγων ὡς τὰ μὲν αὐτὸς ἰδὼν γράφει, τὰ δὲ παρ’ αὐτῶν μαθὼν τῶν ἰδόντων, πολλὰ δὲ τούτων καὶ ἄλλα θαυμασιώτερα παραλιπεῖν διὰ τὸ μὴ δόξαι τοῖς μὴ τεθεαμένοις ἄπιστα συγγράφειν. ᾿Εν οἷς καὶ ταῦτα.

47a

“[Ctesias] spends much time on the justice of the Indians, their dedication to their king, and their contempt for death. He also says that there is a spring and when someone draws water from it, it becomes thick like cheese. If an amount of this ‘cheese’ as thick as three obols is crushed and mixed for drinking with water, whoever drinks it will announce everything he has ever done—for he will be out of his mind and crazy for an entire day. The king uses this mixture whenever he wishes to uncover the truth from accused men. If a man admits it, he is ordered to starve to death. If he reveals nothing, he is released.

He also says that no Indian has headaches, eye-disease, toothaches or ulcers in the mouth or anywhere on his body. Indians live 120, 130, 150 and even two hundred years.”

Πολλὰ δὲ λέγει περὶ τῆς δικαιοσύνης αὐτῶν καὶ τῆς περὶ τὸν σφῶν βασιλέα εὐνοίας καὶ τῆς τοῦ θανάτου καταφρονήσεως. Λέγει δὲ ὅτι πηγή ἐστι, καὶ ἐπειδάν τις ἀρύσῃ τὸ ὕδωρ αὐτῆς, πήγνυται ὥσπερ τυρός. Τούτου οὖν τοῦ πηκτοῦ ὅσον τρεῖς ὀβολοὺς ἐὰν τρίψας δῷς ἐν ὕδατι πιεῖν, ἐξαγγέλλει πάντα ὅσα ἔπραξε· παραφρονεῖ γὰρ καὶ μαίνεται ταύτην τὴν ἡμέραν. Χρᾶται δὲ αὐτῷ ὁ βασιλεὺς ἐφ’ ὧν κατηγορουμένων τἀληθὲς εὑρεῖν ἐθελήσει· κἂν μὲν ἐξείπῃ, προστάσσεται ἀποκαρτερῆσαι, ἂν δὲ μηδὲν ἐλεγχθῇ, ἀφίεται.

῞Οτι φησὶν ὡς ᾿Ινδῶν οὐδεὶς κεφαλαλγεῖ, οὐδὲ ὀφθαλμιᾷ οὐδὲ ὀδονταλγεῖ, οὐδὲ ἑλκοῦται τὸ στόμα, οὐδὲ σηπεδόνα οὐδεμίαν ἴσχει· ἡ δὲ ζωὴ αὐτῶν ρκ′ καὶ λ′ καὶ ν′ καὶ ς′ οἱ τὰ πλεῖστα βιοῦντες.

 

india relief

Martial on the Brevity of Life – “Live Yesterday!”

“Postumus, you always say that you will live tomorrow, tomorrow! But that ‘tomorrow’ of yours – when does it ever come? How far off is that ‘tomorrow’! Where is it, or where should it be sought? Does it lie hidden among the Parthians, or the Armenians? That ‘tomorrow’ is as old as Priam or Nestor. For how much can ‘tomorrow’ be purchased? You will live tomorrow, you say? Postumus, even living today is too late; he is the wise man, who lived yesterday.

Roman-mosaic-know-thyself

Martial 5.58:

Cras te uicturum, cras dicis, Postume, semper:
dic mihi, cras istud, Postume, quando uenit?
Quam longe cras istud! ubi est? aut unde petendum?
Numquid apud Parthos Armeniosque latet?
Iam cras istud habet Priami uel Nestoris annos.              5
Cras istud quanti, dic mihi, possit emi?
Cras uiues? Hodie iam uiuere, Postume, serum est:
ille sapit quisquis, Postume, uixit heri.

Erikhthonios and Erekhtheus: Folk-Etymology and Premature Ejaculation

Eratosthenes, Catasterismi 1.13

“Euripides also speaks of [Erikhthonios’] birth in this way. Because he was filled with lust for her, Hephaistos wanted to have sex with Athena. But when she turned away—because she preferred her virginity—she hid herself in a certain part of Attica which they say is also named “the Hephaisteion” after him. He thought that he could overpower her but when he attacked he was struck by her spear and ejaculated—his semen fell on the earth. They say that a child was born from it, and that he was named Erikhthonius for that reason…”

λέγει δὲ καὶ Εὐριπίδης περὶ τῆς γενέσεως αὐτοῦ τὸν τρόπον τοῦτον· ῞Ηφαιστον ἐρασθέντα ᾿Αθηνᾶς βούλεσθαι αὐτῇ μιγῆναι, τῆς δὲ ἀποστρεφομένης καὶ τὴν παρθενίαν μᾶλλον αἱρουμένης ἔν τινι τόπῳ τῆς ᾿Αττικῆς κρύπτεσθαι, ὃν λέγουσι καὶ ἀπ’ ἐκείνου προσαγορευθῆναι ῾Ηφαιστεῖον· ὃς δόξας αὐτὴν κρατήσειν καὶ ἐπιθέμενος πληγεὶς ὑπ’ αὐτῆς τῷ δόρατι ἀφῆκε τὴν ἐπιθυμίαν, φερομένης εἰς τὴν γῆν τῆς σπορᾶς· ἐξ ἧς γεγενῆσθαι λέγουσι παῖδα, ὃς ἐκ τούτου ᾿Εριχθόνιος ἐκλήθη…

The name Erikhthonios had folk etymologies in the ancient world based on the narratives surrounding him and the sound. One interpretation, “rich-earth” (eri-khthonios), points to his autochthonous character and his association with Athenian prosperity. Another (“strife-land”; eris-khthonios) draws possibly on the struggle between Poseidon-Erekhtheus and Athena. A third traces the root of the first half to wool” (erion) perhaps reflecting Athena’s association with weaving and occurring as a reflex in the version of the tale where Athena uses wool to wipe off Hephaistos’ premature ejaculation (Apollodorus records that it was this semen-sponge that impregnated Gaia).

Athena
The Birth of Erikhthonios

Here’s what a Byzantine Etymological Dictionary has to say:

Etymologicum Magnum

“Erekhteus: He is called Epikhthonios because he was engendered [espasthai] in lust; Or from Hephaistos desire [orekseôs], or from “breaking” [ereikô], Erekhtheus’ power; from the fact that he brought apart the earth and was born from Hephaistos’ semen when Athena hid it in the earth, he is also called Erikhthonios.”

᾿Ερεχθεύς: ῾Ο ᾿Επιχθόνιος καλούμενος, ἀπὸ τοῦ ἐσπᾶσθαι εἰς τὴν ἔραν· ἢ ἀπὸ τῆς ὀρέξεως τοῦ ῾Ηφαίστου· ἢ παρὰ τὸ ἐρείκω, ᾿Ερεχθεὺς κύριον· παρὰ τὸ διασχίσαι αὐτὸν τὴν γῆν καὶ γεννηθῆναι ἀπὸ τοῦ σπέρματος ῾Ηφαίστου, ἡνίκα ἔκρυψεν αὐτὸ ἡ ᾿Αθηνᾶ ἐν τῇ γῇ, ὁ αὐτὸς δὲ λέγεται καὶ ᾿Εριχθόνιος.

According to Homer (Il. 2.546-51) Erekhtheus, nearly identical to Erikhthonios in early narratives only to be disambiguated in royal genealogies by the classical period, was born from Gaia and raised by Athena. The name Erekhtheus may be derived from the verb erekhthô which means “to tear or smash” and may be associated with Poseidon the “earthshaker”.


Iliad 2.546-551:

“Then came the men who occupied the well-built city of Athens, the people of great-hearted Erekhtheus, whom Athena the daughter of Zeus raised after the fertile earth gave birth to him, the one Athena brought into her own wealthy temple. There the sons of Athens worship him every new year with bulls and lambs. Menestheus, the son of Peteos led them. No earth-born man ever was his equal at marshaling the cavalry and spear-holding men.”

Οἳ δ’ ἄρ’ ᾿Αθήνας εἶχον ἐϋκτίμενον πτολίεθρον
δῆμον ᾿Ερεχθῆος μεγαλήτορος, ὅν ποτ’ ᾿Αθήνη
θρέψε Διὸς θυγάτηρ, τέκε δὲ ζείδωρος ἄρουρα,
κὰδ δ’ ἐν ᾿Αθήνῃς εἷσεν ἑῷ ἐν πίονι νηῷ·
ἔνθα δέ μιν ταύροισι καὶ ἀρνειοῖς ἱλάονται
κοῦροι ᾿Αθηναίων περιτελλομένων ἐνιαυτῶν·
τῶν αὖθ’ ἡγεμόνευ’ υἱὸς Πετεῶο Μενεσθεύς.
τῷ δ’ οὔ πώ τις ὁμοῖος ἐπιχθόνιος γένετ’ ἀνὴρ
κοσμῆσαι ἵππους τε καὶ ἀνέρας ἀσπιδιώτας·

There are some interesting echoes here from stories we learn later about Erikhthonios. Note (1) the closeness between Athena and Erekhtheus (implying no strife or suppressing it); (2) the early evidence for co-worship of the two; and (3) the possible—though not probable—echo of Erikhthonios in the adjective epikhthonios (“earth-born”).

Of some interest: According to Pausanias (1.28.10) it was Erekhtheus (the king) who first offered animal sacrifices at the Bouphonia (“Cow-slaughter” festival). In his commentary on the Iliad G. S. Kirk (1985, 206) suggests that the annual festival (περιτελλομένων ἐνιαυτῶν, here translated rather feebly as “every new year”) may be a form of the Panathenaia.

Sources:

OCD3

Walter Burkert. Greek Religion. Cambridge, 1985.

L. R. Farnell. The Cults of the Greek City States. 1895.

Timothy Gantz. Early Greek Myth. Baltimore, 1993.

Simon Price. Religions of the Ancient Greeks. Cambridge, 1999.

The Fantastic Dog-headed People of India

There are remnants of three Indika (‘History of India’) from ancient Greece. The oldest is attributed to a Kteisias of Knidos (Ctesias of Cnidus) who is said to have traveled with the failed rebellion of Cyrus (the same trip as Xenophon). He gathered his account from stories the Persians told.  The following is taken from the summary made by the Byzantine scholar Photius in his Bibliotheca.

(There is a translation available free here. It leaves out anything about menstruation and sex.)

 

Ctesias, Indica (fragments From Photius’ Bibliotheca, Codex 72 47b-48b)

Appearance, Language, and Population

“On these mountains he says there are men who have a dog’s head. They wear clothing from wild animals. They do not speak with a voice, but they bark like dogs and thus understand one another. They have larger teeth than a dog and have claws similar to them but they are larger and rounder as well. They live in the mountains near the river Indus. They are dark-skinned and are completely just, just like the rest of the Indians they encounter. They know the language of the other Indians but they cannot speak it—instead they just make signs by barking or with their hands and digits like the deaf. They are called Kalustrioi by the Indians, which equates to Kunokephaloi among the Greeks [“Dog-heads”]. There tribe is almost 120,000 strong.”

᾿Εν τοῖσδε τοῖς ὄρεσί φασιν ἀνθρώπους βιοτεύειν κυνὸς ἔχοντας κεφαλήν· ἐσθῆτας δὲ φοροῦσιν ἐκ τῶν ἀγρίων θηρίων, φωνὴν δὲ διαλέγονται οὐδεμίαν, ἀλλ’ὠρύονται, ὥσπερ κύνες, καὶ οὕτω συνιᾶσιν αὑτῶν τὴν φωνήν. ᾿Οδόντας δὲ μείζους ἔχουσι κυνός, καὶ τοὺς ὄνυχας ὁμοίους κυνός, μακροτέρους δὲ καὶ στρογγυλωτέρους. Οἰκοῦσι δὲ ἐν τοῖς ὄρεσι μέχρι τοῦ ᾿Ινδοῦ ποταμοῦ, μέλανες δέ εἰσι καὶ δίκαιοι πάνυ, ὥσπερ καὶ οἱ ἄλλοι  ᾿Ινδοί, οἷς καὶ ἐπιμίγνυνται καὶ συνιᾶσι μὲν τὰ παρ’ ἐκείνων λεγόμενα, αὐτοὶ δὲ οὐ δύνανται διαλέγεσθαι, ἀλλὰ τῇ ὠρυγῇ καὶ ταῖς χερσὶ καὶ τοῖς δακτύλοις σημαίνουσιν, ὥσπερ οἱ κωφοί· καλοῦνται δὲ ὑπὸ τῶν᾿Ινδῶν Καλύστριοι, ὅπερ ἑλληνιστὶ Κυνοκέφαλοι· τὸ δὲ ἔθνος ἐστὶν ἕως δώδεκα μυριάδων.

doghead

Economics (Codex, 48b)

[Ctesias] says that the Kunokephalai who live in the mountains do not work the land but instead live by hunting. When they kill their prey, they cook it in the sun. They do tend many sheep, goats, and donkeys. They drink milk and milk-whey from sheep, and they eat the fruit of the Siptakhora which yields sweet amber. They dry this as well and store it in baskets in the way the Greeks store raisins. The Kunokephaloi build rafts, load them and send them as tribute which includes the amber, prepared purple flowers with 260 talents of amber annually and as much purple die and they send 1000 more talents as annual tribute for the king. The rest of the amber they sell to Indians for bread, grain, cotton. They also buy swords which they use in hunting for their quarry along with bows and javelins. For they are extremely talented at throwing javelins and shooting arrows. They are invincible in war because they inhabit mountains that are unreachable and high. The king gives them gifts every five years: 300,000 bows, the same number of spears, 120,000 shields, and 50,000 swords.”

῞Οτι οἱ Κυνοκέφαλοι οἰκοῦντες ἐν τοῖς ὄρεσιν οὐκ ἐργάζονται, ἀπὸ θήρας δὲ ζῶσιν· ὅταν δ’ ἀποκτείνωσιν αὐτά, ὀπτῶσι πρὸς τὸν ἥλιον. Τρέφουσι δὲ καὶπρόβατα πολλὰ καὶ αἶγας καὶ ὄνους. Πίνουσι δὲ γάλα καὶ ὀξύγαλα τῶν προβάτων, ἐσθίουσι δὲ καὶ τὸν καρπὸν τοῦ σιπταχόρου, ἀφ’ οὗ τὸ ἤλεκτρον (γλυκὺς γάρ), καὶ ξηραίνοντες αὐτούς, σπυρίδας συσσάσσουσιν ὥσπερ ἐν τοῖς ῞Ελλησι τὴν ἀσταφίδα. Οἱ δὲ Κυνοκέφαλοι, σχεδίαν ποιησάμενοι καὶ ἐπιθέντες, ἀπάγουσι  φόρτον τούτου, καὶ τῆς πορφύρας τὸ ἄνθος καθαρὸν ποιήσαντες, καὶ τοῦ ἠλέκτρου ξ′ καὶ ς′ τάλαντα τοῦ ἐνιαυτοῦ, καὶ ὅτῳ τὸ φοινίκιον βάπτεται τοῦ φαρμάκου ἕτερα τοσαῦτα, καὶ ἠλέκτρου χίλια τάλαντα, ἀπάγουσι κατ’ ἐνιαυτὸν τῷ ᾿Ινδῶν βασιλεῖ. Καὶ ἕτερα δὲ κατάγοντες πωλοῦσι τοῖς ᾿Ινδοῖς πρὸς ἄρτους καὶ ἄλφιτα καὶ ξύλινα ἱμάτια· πωλοῦσι δὲ καὶ ξίφη οἷς χρῶνται πρὸς τὴν τῶν θηρίων ἄγραν, καὶ τόξα καὶἀκόντια· πάνυ γὰρ καὶ δεινοί εἰσιν ἀκοντίζειν καὶ τοξεύειν· ἀπολέμητοι δ’ εἰσὶ διὰ τὸ οἰκεῖν αὐτοὺς ὄρεα ἄβατα καὶ ὑψηλά. Δίδωσι δὲ αὐτοῖς διὰ πέμπτου ἔτους δῶρα ὁ βασιλεὺς λ′ μὲν μυριάδας τόξων, καὶ ἀκοντίων τοσαύτας, πελτῶν δὲ δώδεκα, καὶ ξίφη δὲ πεντακισμύρια.

 

Living Arrangements, Wealth, and Sexual Mores

“The Kunokephaloi do not live in houses but inhabit caves. They hunt wild animals with bows, javelins and they overcome some by running. For they run quickly. The women wash themselves once a month whenever they have their periods, but not otherwise. The men do not wash themselves but they do wash their hands. They anoint themselves with oil made from milk and they wipe themselves with skins. They do not have hairy raiment, but the women and the men wear skins that are well-tanned. The wealthiest wear linen, but there are very few. They do not have beds, but they made piles of straw. The man who has the most sheep is considered the wealthiest. The case is similar with their other possessions. All of them have tails which sit above their hips like dogs, but they are longer and harrier. The have sex with the females on four-feet, just like dogs. It is considered shameful to have sex in any other way. They are just and they are the most long-lived of all men: they live 170 and even 200 years.”

Τούτοις τοῖς κυνοκεφάλοις οὐκ εἴσιν οἰκίαι, ἀλλ’ ἐν σπηλαίοις διαιτῶνται. Θηρεύουσι δὲ τὰ θηρία τοξεύοντες, ἀκοντίζοντες, καὶ διώκοντες καταλαμβάνουσι· ταχὺ γὰρ τρέχουσι.Λούονται δὲ αἱ γυναῖκες αὐτῶν ἅπαξ τοῦ μηνός, ὅταν τὰ καταμήνια αὐταῖς ἔλθῃ, ἄλλοτε δ’ οὔ· οἱ δὲ ἄνδρες οὐ λούονται μέν, τὰς δὲ χεῖρας ἀπονίζονται, ἐλαίῳ δὲ χρίονται τρὶς τοῦ μηνὸς τῷ ἀπὸ τοῦ γάλακτος γινομένῳ, καὶ ἐκτρίβονται δέρμασι. Τὴν δὲ ἐσθῆτα ἔχουσιν οὐ δασείαν, ἀλλὰ ψιλῶν τῶν μασθλημάτων ὡς λεπτοτάτων καὶ αὐτοὶ καὶ αἱ γυναῖκες αὐτῶν· οἱ δὲ πλουσιώτατοι αὐτῶν λίνα φοροῦσιν. Οὗτοι δ’ εἰσὶν ὀλίγοι. Κλῖναι δὲ αὐτοῖς οὐκ εἴσιν, ἀλλὰ στιβάδας ποιοῦνται. Οὗτος δ’ αὐτῶν πλουσιώτατος νομίζεται εἶναι ᾧ ἂν πλεῖστα πρόβατα ᾖ· ἡ δὲ ἄλλη οὐσία παραπλησία. Οὐρὰν δὲ ἔχουσι πάντες καὶ ἄνδρες καὶ γυναῖκες ὑπὲρ τῶν ἰσχίων οἵανπερ κύων, μείζονα δὲ καὶ δασυτέραν· καὶ μίσγονται ταῖς γυναιξὶ τετραποδιστί, ὥσπερ οἱ κύνες· ἄλλως δὲ μιγῆναι αὐτοῖς ἐστιν αἰσχρόν. Δίκαιοι δέ εἰσι καὶ μακροβιώτατοι πάντων ἀνθρώπων· ζῶσι γὰρ ἔτη ρ′ καὶ ο′, ἔνιοι δὲ αὐτῶν καὶ διακόσια.

Greeks Imagine an Indian Feast

Athenaeus Deipnosophists 4, 153 (=Megasthenes fr. 38)

 

“In his second book of Indika, Megasthenes says that during dinnertime among the Indians each person receives a table of his own that is most like a tripod. On this is placed a golden serving-bowl into which thy first place rice, cooked the way someone might boil barley, and to which they add many delicacies prepared in Indian fashion.”

Μεγασθένης ἐν τῇ δευτέρᾳ τῶν ᾿Ινδικῶν τοῖς ᾿Ινδοῖς φησιν ἐν τῷ δείπνῳ παρατίθεσθαι ἑκάστῳ τράπεζαν, ταύτην δ’ εἶναι ὁμοίαν ταῖς ἐγγυθήκαις· καὶ ἐπιτίθεσθαι ἐπ’ αὐτῇ τρυβλίον χρυσοῦν, εἰς ὃ ἐμβαλεῖν αὐτοὺς πρῶτον μὲν τὴν ὄρυζαν ἑφθὴν, ὡς ἄν τις ἑψήσειε χόνδρον, ἔπειτα ὄψα πολλὰ κεχειρουργημένα ταῖς ᾿Ινδικαῖς σκευασίαις.

Rice

Note: this is the first time I have encountered the Greek word for rice (oruza). In Strabo, it appears specifically in conjunction with India’s numerous rivers.

Baldness in Imperial Rome

Martial, 6.12 and 6.57

“Fabulla claims as her own the hair she buys!
Hey Paul—wouldn’t you say that she lies?

Iurat capillos esse, quos emit, suos
Fabulla: numquid illa, Paule, peierat

57

“You make fake hair with gel, Pheobus—
Your filthy scalp is covered with drawn-in hair
You don’t need to summon a barber for that head:
A sponge can give you a better shave, Phoebus.”

Mentiris fictos unguento, Phoebe, capillos
et tegitur pictis sordida calua comis.
Tonsorem capiti non est adhibere necesse:
radere te melius spongea, Phoebe, potest.

The loss of hair was a sensitive issue in antiquity too. Suetonius (Life of Domitian, 18) records the emperor Domitian was extremely touchy about his premature loss of hair:

“His baldness offended him so much that he took it as a personal insult if anyone else was slighted for it in humor or seriousness. Nevertheless, in the pamphlet he published addressed to a friend On Haircare, he offered these words to console both of them: “Don’t you see how beautiful and big I am?”* And even so, my hair’s fate awaits me. I endure with a strong spirit the aging of my hair in youth. Know this: nothing is more gripping or brief than beauty.”

*Here, Domitian quotes from Homer’s Iliad where Achilles “consoles” Lykaon before he kills him by pointing to their shared mortality.

caluitio ita offendebatur, ut in contumeliam suam traheret, si cui alii ioco uel iurgio obiectaretur; quamuis libello, quem de cura capillorum ad amicum edidit, haec etiam, simul illum seque consolans, inseruerit: ‘οὐχ ὁράᾳς, οἷος κἀγὼ καλός τε μέγας τε; eadem me tamen manent capillorum fata, et forti animo fero comam in adulescentia senescentem. scias nec gratius quicquam decore nec breuius.’

I guess we can say that not only was Domitian the princeps of the Roman Hair Club for Men, but he was also a member!

Indian Elephants: Taming a Wild Heart With Music

Aelian, N. A. 12.44 (= Megasthenes fr. 37)

“In India, if an adult elephant is caught it is difficult to tame—it gets murderous from longing for freedom. If you bind it in chains too, it gets even more agitated and will not tolerate its master. But Indians try to pacify it with food and to soften it with a variety of pleasing items, making an effort to fill its stomach and delight its heart. But it remains angry with them and ignores them. What then do they devise and do? They encourage it with their native music and sing to a certain instrument they use. It is called a skindapsos. The instrument strikes the ears and enchants the animal—his anger softens and his spirit yields and bit by bit it pays attention to its food. At this point it is released from its chains and it waits, enthralled by the music, and it eats eagerly, like a guest in love with a banquet. The elephant will no longer leave because of his love of music.”

elephant_dish

Aelianus N. A. XII, 44: ᾿Εν ᾿Ινδοῖς ἂν ἁλῷ τέλειος ἐλέφας, ἡμερωθῆναι χαλεπός ἐστι, καὶ τὴν ἐλευθερίαν ποθῶν φονᾷ· ἐὰν δὲ αὐτὸν καὶ δεσμοῖς διαλάβῃς, ἔτι καὶ μᾶλλον ἐς τὸν θυμὸν ἐξάπτεται, καὶ δεσπότην οὐχ ὑπονέμει. ᾿Αλλ’ οἱ ᾿Ινδοὶ καὶ ταῖς τροφαῖς κολακεύουσιν αὐτὸν, καὶ ποικίλοις καὶ ἐφολκοῖς δελέασι πραΰνειν πειρῶνται, παρατιθέντες, ὡς πληροῦν τὴν γαστέρα καὶ θέλγειν τὸν θυμόν· ὁ δὲ ἄχθεται αὐτοῖς, καὶ ὑπερορᾷ· Τί οὖν ἐκεῖνοι κατασοφίζονται καὶ δρῶσι; Μοῦσαν αὐτοῖς προσάγουσιν ἐπιχώριον, καὶ κατᾴδουσιν αὐτοὺς ὀργάνῳ τινὶ καὶ τούτῳ συνήθει· καλεῖται δὲ σκινδαψὸς τὸ ὄργανον· ὁ δὲ ὑπέχει τὰ ὦτα καὶ θέλγεται, καὶ ἡ μὲν ὀργὴ πραΰνεται, ὁ δὲ θυμὸς ὑποστέλλεταί τε καὶ θόρνυται, κατὰ μικρὰ δὲ καὶ ἐς τὴν τροφὴν ὁρᾷ· εἶτα ἀφεῖται μὲν τῶν δεσμῶν, μένει δὲ τῇ μούσῃ δεδεμένος, καὶ δειπνεῖ προθύμως ἁβρὸς δαιτυμὼν καταδεδεμένος· πόθῳ γὰρ τοῦ μέλους οὐκ ἂν ἔτι ἀποσταίη.

Martial on the Decline of Liberal Education (5.58)

“Lupus, you ask long and anxiously to what teacher you should entrust your son. I advise you to avoid all teachers and professors: don’t let him have anything to do with the books of Cicero or Vergil. Let him leave Tutilius to his own reputation. If he writes verses, you will disown him as a poet. Does he want to learn a more… pecuniary skill? Make him learn to be a lute player or a flute player; if he seems a bit on the untalented side, just make him an auctioneer or a builder.”

56

Cui tradas, Lupe, filium magistro
quaeris sollicitus diu rogasque.
Omnes grammaticosque rhetorasque
deuites moneo: nihil sit illi
cum libris Ciceronis aut Maronis;              5
famae Tutilium suae relinquat;
si uersus facit, abdices poetam.
Artes discere uolt pecuniosas?
Fac discat citharoedus aut choraules;
si duri puer ingeni uidetur,              10
praeconem facias uel architectum.

Porson’s Pukey Poem

Epigram from Facetiae Cantabrigienses (London 1825)  pp.58-59

Porson, one day visiting his brother in law, Mr. P—-, who at that time lived in Lancaster Court, in the Strand, found him indisposed, and under the influence of medicine. On returning to the house of a common friend, he of course expected to be asked after the health of his relation. After waiting with philosophic patience, without the expected question being proposed, he reproached the company for not giving him the opportunity of giving the following answer, which he had composed in his walk:-

                “My Lord of Lancaster, when late I came from it,

                Was taking a medicine of names not a few;

                In Greek an emetic, in Latin a vomit,

                In English a puke, and in vulgar a sp-w.”

Fragmentary Friday: Why Do We Work So Hard at Living Badly?

Athenaeus, Deipnosophists 7.12-13

“Philetairos in the Huntress writes:

What ought one who is mortal do, I beg,
Other than live life pleasurably day by day
If he has any way to do it? But we should examine
This very thing when looking into human matters
Rather than fretting over what tomorrow will bring.
It is altogether bizarre to hoard money
For the next day at home.

And the same poet says in Winedrinker:

Mortals who live poorly when they have plentiful wealth,
Well, I say that they are wretches.
When you’re dead, truly, you won’t be eating eel.
No wedding cakes are baked among the dead.

And Apollodorus the Carystian writes in his Tabletmakers:

Humans, all of you—why do you dismiss living happily
And work so hard at living badly
By waging war against each other? Dear gods!
Has some savage type of Fortune taken control
Of our lives, who knows nothing of education at all,
and is completely ignorant of anything
good or evil and just jerks us around
in whatever direction chance governs?
I think so. For how could a Fortune that was truly Greek
Prefer to watch them torn apart by themselves
And falling down among the corpses,
When it were possible for them to be happy, playing,
Getting drunk and listening to music. Tell me, sweetest one—
Rebuke our Fortune as the savage she is!”

Idiot

Φιλέταιρος Κυναγίδι (II 232 K).

τί δεῖ γὰρ ὄντα θνητόν, ἱκετεύω, ποιεῖν
πλὴν ἡδέως ζῆν τὸν βίον καθ’ ἡμέραν,
ἐὰν ἔχῃ τις ὁπόθεν; ἀλλὰ δεῖ σκοπεῖν
τοῦτ’ αὐτὸ τἀνθρώπει’ ὁρῶντα πράγματα,
εἰς αὔριον δὲ <μηδὲ> φροντίζειν ὅτι
ἔσται· περίεργόν ἐστιν ἀποκεῖσθαι πάνυ
ἕωλον ἔνδον τἀργύριον.
καὶ ἐν Οἰνοπίωνι δὲ ὁ αὐτός φησιν (II 234 K)·
θνητῶν δ’ ὅσοι
ζῶσιν κακῶς ἔχοντες ἄφθονον βίον,
ἐγὼ μὲν αὐτοὺς ἀθλίους εἶναι λέγω.
οὐ γὰρ θανών γε δήπουθεν ἔγχελυν φάγοις
οὐδ’ ἐν νεκροῖσι πέττεται γαμήλιος.

᾿Απολλόδωρος δ’ ὁ Καρύστιος ἐν Γραμματει-
διοποιῷ (IV 441 M)·
ὦ πάντες ἄνθρωποι, τί τὸ ζῆν ἡδέως
παρέντες ἐπιμελεῖσθε τοῦ κακῶς ποιεῖν
πολεμοῦντες ἀλλήλους; πότερα πρὸς τῶν θεῶν
ἐπιστατεῖ τις τοῦ βίου νυνὶ τύχη
ἄγροικος ἡμῶν οὔτε παιδείαν ὅλως
εἰδυῖα, τί τὸ κακόν ποτ’ ἢ τί τἀγαθὸν
ἔστ’ ἀγνοοῦσα παντελῶς, εἰκῆ τέ πως
ἡμᾶς κυλίνδουσ’ ὅντιν’ ἂν τύχῃ τρόπον;
οἶμαί γε. τίς γὰρ μᾶλλον ἂν προείλετο
῞Ελλην ἀληθῶς οὖσα λεπομένους ὁρᾶν
αὐτοὺς ὑφ’ αὑτῶν καὶ καταπίπτοντας νεκρούς,
ἐξὸν ἱλαρούς, παίζοντας, ὑποπεπωκότας,
αὐλουμένους. ωδει λέγ’ αὐτή, γλυκυτάτη,
ἔλεγχ’ ἄγροικον οὖσαν ἡμῶν τὴν τύχην.