F**king Flaccus Fears Forfeiture of Finances and Fame

Horace, Sermones 1.2:

“When she has placed her left flank to my right side she is Ilia and Egeria – I give whatever name to her. Nor do I fear that, while I’m mid-fuck, her husband will come back from the country, the door will be broken, the dog will bark, and from every corner the house will resound with a great clatter while my pale lady jumps from the bed and screams that she is wretched and fears for her legs as she grabs her ‘dowry’ as I cover myself. I would have to flee unbelted and barefoot lest I suffer the loss of my coins, or my ass, or my reputation! It’s a miserable thing to be caught: I would carry this point even if Fabius the Stoic were the judge.”

Wasn't Me GIF - Shaggy WasntMe Wasnt GIFs

haec ubi supposuit dextro corpus mihi laevom,
Ilia et Egeria est; do nomen quodlibet illi.
nec vereor, ne, dum futuo, vir rure recurrat,
ianua frangatur, latret canis, undique magno
pulsa domus strepitu resonet, vepallida lecto
desiliat mulier, miseram se conscia clamet,
cruribus haec metuat, doti deprensa, egomet mi.
discincta tunica fugiendum est et pede nudo,
ne nummi pereant aut puga aut denique fama.
deprendi miserum est: Fabio vel iudice vincam.

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