Martial, 2.33 (NSFW)

NOTE: As with many of Martial’s epigrams, some readers may find this one a bit on the offensive side!

“Why don’t I kiss you, Philaenis? You are bald.

Why don’t I kiss you Philaenis? You are red.

Why don’t I kiss you, Philaenis? You have one eye.

He who kisses these things is really just sucking dick.”

 

Cur non basio te, Philaeni? calua es.
Cur non basio te, Philaeni? rufa es.
Cur non basio te, Philaeni? lusca es.
Haec qui basiat, o Philaeni, fellat.

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