New Hobby: Limericks on Byzantine (and Hellenistic?) Scholars

Earlier, Palaiophron quoted a dubious and amusing etymology from the inimitable John Tzetzes. Because I might never stop being at least partly an adolescent, I started coming up with a limerick

The eminent John Tzetzes
must have had remarkable testes.
That he weighs all the same
myriad dubious claims
attests to a nice pair of hefties.

Because I am a part-adolescent who lives in the internet age, I had to tweet about it.

The eminent John Tzetzes
must have had remarkable testes…"

New Hobby: Dirty Limericks for Byzantine Scholarshttp://t.co/FMaovPvv8G

— sententiae antiquae (@sentantiq) April 10, 2015

I thought this might be the end, but, mirabile dictu, a twitter friend joined in:

@sentantiq The worthy physician Soranus/Found cures for conditions that pain us;/ so what a bum rap/ for that medical chap…

— Armand D'Angour (@ArmandDAngour) April 10, 2015

…rounding it out with: “that his ‘sore’-name should so entertain us”.

In my own maturity, I could not help but continue (with a little rhyming help from my friend):

The Byzantine Bishop Eustathius
lived some time after the cretaceous.
He wrote on both Homer’s poems
but never left home
and as a result his rump was curvaceous.

Any one else want to play?

The call was answered first 10 minutes after the post went live by salamanderheart:

There once was a girl Theodora,
Who had what all guys wanted more of.
But she let them all down
When she picked up a crown,
And erased what she had been before, uh.

“I am not yet drunk enough to write poetry.”–Li Po

And our own Palaiophron added:

Triclinius’ knowledge was ‘extensive’,
Yet on one point he got quite defensive:
He had a small peter,
So he wrote about meters,
Where his measure was quite comprehensive.

And I awoke with this:

Boethius was a man of some polish
of high breeding, with no lack of knowledge.
Emperor Theodoric threw him in jail
–Thanks to a treasonous tale–
There he made philosophy his solace.

And revived nearly 3 years later by no less an eminence than Tzetzes himself:

There once was a poet from Chios
Whose spent eyes, alas, couldn’t see us.
But he could have done worse,
For he was in Greek verse
The third best after me and Orphéus.

— Tzetzes (@tzetzes) July 9, 2018

Ooh, are we doing Byz limericks?

In Thessalonike one year,
Sicilians were causing much fear,
The Bishop was cross,
Not from murder and loss,
But that no wine was anywhere near!

(Bishop Eustathios' account of the 1185 capture of the city does include this complaint!)@sentantiq

— James Baillie (@JubalBarca@Scholar.Social) (@JubalBarca) July 9, 2018

And finally (unless people want more), Digenes Akritas in a nutshell;

Digenes, a man of great fame,
A frontier fighter became,
He killed and he fought,
But it was all for naught;
For death took its toll just the same.@sentantiq

— James Baillie (@JubalBarca@Scholar.Social) (@JubalBarca) July 9, 2018

Poor Justinian, o'ercome with despair
his dear hound lost chasing a hare
Theodora, bored:
"Don't worry, my lord;
I can get you a deal on a bear."#ByzantineLimerick https://t.co/HiCNlX7NQR

— ᴱᵁᴳᴱᴺᴱ ɪᴘᴀᴠᴇᴄ (@EugeneIpavec) July 9, 2018

#ByzantineLimericks for @sentantiq

With the Hippodrome crowd in his thrall
Porphyrius (the greatest of all!)
Sped quadrigas to wins
Amid tumults and dins —
Ne'er shall his monuments fall!

(There were seven monuments to him, if I remember correctly.)

— Guy Gavriel Kay (@guygavrielkay) July 9, 2018

Passable? pic.twitter.com/Hv80FNlbTL

— Dr Crom (@DocCrom) July 9, 2018

Said Leo the Iconoclast,
"Art in a church? I'm aghast!
Idolatry
Is a foul sin to me!
We risk Hell if this artwork shall last!"#ByzantineLImericks for @sentantiq

(And I'll wander off now… you, sir, are a Bad Influence, and a Red Sox.)

— Guy Gavriel Kay (@guygavrielkay) July 9, 2018

https://twitter.com/SmChrl/status/1016424848527159299