“When among madmen, you should act completely mad.”
μετὰ μαινομένων φάσιν χρῆναι μαίνεσθαι πάντας ὁμοίως
This is the “When in Rome…” of Old Comedy
Tag: Old Comedy
Funny Fragments from Philyllius and Phrynichus (Old Comedy)
Philyllius, fr. 20 (from “The Snail”)
“My grandfather was a dappled dogfish”
ὁ πάππος ἦν μοι γαλεὸς ἀστερίας
Philyllius, fr. 20 (from “The Snail”)
“I am neither a cicada nor a snail, woman!”
ΚΟΧΛΙΑΣ. Φιλύλλιος (I 787 K)·
οὔκ εἰμι τέττιξ οὐδὲ κοχλίας, ὦ γύναι.
Phrynichus, fr. 3 (Athenaeus 165b)
“The hardest of all modern labors is to protect ourselves from them [the youth].
For they have some kind of a goad in their fingers, this man-hating bloom of youth.
They talk sweetly enough as they circum-ambulate the marketplace with another—
But when they take their seats, they mock the men they addressed sweetly
Scratching deep furrows into them once they’ve found themselves in a group”
ἐστὶν δ’ αὐτούς γε φυλάττεσθαι τῶν νῦν χαλεπώτατον ἔργον.
ἔχουσι γάρ τι κέντρον ἐν τοῖς δακτύλοις, μισάνθρωπον ἄνθος ἥβης·
εἶθ’ ἡδυλογοῦσιν ἅπασιν ἀεὶ κατὰ τὴν ἀγορὰν περιόντες.
ἐπὶ τοῖς βάθροις ὅταν ὦσιν, ἐκεῖ τούτοις οἷς ἡδυλογοῦσι
μεγάλας ἀμυχὰς καταμύξαντες καὶ συγκύψαντες ἅπαντας γελῶσι.
Lysippus, fr. 8 (Heraclides, On the Greek City 1.5)
“If you haven’t seen Athens, you’re a stump.
If you’ve seen it unamazed, you’re a donkey.
If after being charmed by it you leave, you’re an ass.”
εἰ μὴ τεθέασαι τὰς Ἀθήνας, στέλεχος εἶ
εἰ δὲ τεθέασαι μὴ τεθήρευσαι δ᾿, ὄνος,
εἰ δ᾿ εὐαρεστῶν αποτρέχεις, κανθήλιος
Lysippus? A poet of Old Comedy who won a victory around 440 BCE.
Slandering Socrates: Ameipsias, Fr. 7 (Diogenes Laertius, 2.27-28) and Eupolis
“Socrates, the best of men when there are few and the most foolish among the many:
You have come to see us too? You are brave. Where would you get a cloak?
Your appearance is an embarrassment to cobblers everywhere.”
Σώκρατες ἀνδρῶν βέλτιστ᾿ ὀλίγων, πολλῶν δὲ ματαιοταθ᾿, ἥκεις
καὶ σὺ πρὸς ἡμᾶς; καρτερικὸς γ᾿ εἶ. πόθεν ἄν σοι χλαῖνα γένοιτο;
τουτὶ τὸ κακὸν τῶν σκυτότομων κατ᾿ ἐπήρειαν γεγένηται
Pretty sure that the “you have crappy shoes” insult wouldn’t have bothered ol’ Socrates. But Ameipsias, though not a household name, was no slacker: he bested Aristophanes twice! And mocking Socrates seems like a good habit from Old Comedy. Apart from Aristophanes, Eupolis was in on the action too:
“I hate Socrates too,
that prattling panhandler
who figured out everything
except where he can get something to eat.”
μισῶ δὲ καὶ Σωκράτην
τὸν πτωχὸν ἀδολέσχην,
ὃς τἆλλα μὲν πεφρόντικεν,
ὁπόθεν δὲ καταφαγεῖν ἔχοι
τούτου κατημέληκεν
Eupolis? I guess he lost the battle with Socrates.
Laconian Assmen and A False Etymology for Adolescent: Two Comic Fragments
Photius was a ninth century Patriarch and Scholar of Constantinople who is now a Saint in the Eastern Orthodox Church. But he was also a lexicographer who preserved or hinted a fragments of many lost authors.
Laconian Assmen and Theseus (Photius 192.12)
“Laconian Ass-man”: Cleinias, had anal-sex, in the Laconian style. They call intercourse with boyfriends “to act like a Laconian”. This is how Theseus had sex with Helen, according to Aristarchus.
Κυσολάκων: ὁ Κλεινίας ὁ τωῖ κυσωῖ Λακωνίζων· τὸ δὲ τοῖς παιδικοῖς χρῆσθαι Λακωνίζειν λέγουσιν· ᾿Eλένηι γὰρ Θησεὺς οὕτως ἐχρήσατο, ὡς Ἀρίσταρχος.
Some texts have Μελαίνηι instead of ᾿Eλένηι. Some have ᾿Αριστοτέλης instead of Ἀρίσταρχος
An Amusing But Absolutely Impossible Etymology for Adolescent (Photius α 372)
“Adoleskhein: indicates talking philosophically about nature while conversing about everything else. The comic poets used the word leschainein for “having a conversation” (dialegesthai). And leskhai are places where people gather to spend the day in conversation.’
᾿Αδολεσχεῖν· σημαίνει μὲν τὸ φιλοσοφεῖν περί τε φύσεως καὶ τοῦ παντὸς διαλεσχαίνοντα. οἱ μέντοι ἀρχαῖοι κωμικοὶ λεσχαίνειν ἔλεγον τὸ διαλέγεσθαι. καὶ λέσχαι οἱ τόποι, εἰς οὓς συνιόντες λόγοις διημέρευον.
As If Monday Weren’t Unfunny Enough: Four Fragments from Theopompos
Theopompos was a minor poet composing in the later years of Attic Old Comedy (c. 410-380?). Here are four of his remaining fragments:
Fr. 16 (Diogenes Laertius 3.26)
“One thing is not even one thing,
And two are scarcely one either, according to Plato.”
ἓν γάρ ἐστιν οὐδὲ ἕν,
τὰ δὲ δύο μόλις ἕν ἐστιν, ὥς φησιν Πλάτων.
Fr. 34
“Euripides didn’t say it badly at all:
The truly happy man dines an another’s expense”
Εὐριπίδου τἄρ’ ἐστὶν οὐ κακῶς ἔχον,
τἀλλότρια δειπνεῖν τὸν καλῶς εὐδαίμονα.
Fr. 60
“Eileithuia has been pardoned by women
For being so tight-lipped about her craft.”
ἀλλ’ ἡ μὲν Εἰλείθυια συγγνώμην ἔχει
ὑπὸ τῶν γυναικῶν οὖσα καταπλὴξ τὴν τέχνην.
[Eileithuia was a goddess of childbirth]
Fr. 65
“Stretching out drinking in the three-couched room,
We took turns singing the songs of Telamon to each other”
κατακείμενοι μαλακώτατ’ ἐπὶ τρικλινίῳ
Τελαμῶνος οἰμώζοντες ἀλλήλοις μέλη.
Metagenes, fr. 19 (Athenaeaus 270e): Mocking Homer and Hector
“One bird-omen is best: fight for your dinner!”
εἵς οἰωνὸς ἄριστος ἀμύνεσθαι περὶ δείπνου
This is really only funny if you know the line being mocked: Iliad 12.243 when Hector says:
“One bird-omen is best: defend your fatherland”
εἷς οἰωνὸς ἄριστος ἀμύνεσθαι περὶ πάτρης.
See what he did? He changed the last word! Shoot, you canjoin in on the fun and choose almost any Greek word in the genitive! Any suggestions?
Metagenes? A funnyman so renowned that he is not in Wikipedia. Another Old Attic Comic.
Pherecrates, fr. 164: Mocking Alcibiades (and then Socrates)
“It seems that Alcibiades isn’t yet a man but he’s already a husband to all the ladies.”
οὐκ ὤν ἀνὴρ γὰρ Ἀλκιβιάδης, ὡς δοκεῖ,
ἀνὴρ ἁπασῶν τῶν γυναικῶν ἐστι νῦν…
Pherecrates is another poet of Old Comedy. Making fun of Alcibiades is almost as fun as mocking Socrates…
Eupolis, fr. 356
“I hate Socrates too,
that prattling panhandler
who figured out everything
except where he can get someting to eat.”
μισῶ δὲ καὶ Σωκράτην
τὸν πτωχὸν ἀδολέσχην,
ὃς τἆλλα μὲν πεφρόντικεν,
ὁπόθεν δὲ καταφαγεῖν ἔχοι
τούτου κατημέληκεν
Ameipsias, Fr. 7 (Diogenes Laertius, 2.27-28)
“Socrates, the best of men when there are few and the most foolish among the many:
You have come to see us too? You are brave. Where would you get a cloak?
Your appearance is an embarrassment to cobblers everywhere.”
Σώκρατες ἀνδρῶν βέλτιστ᾿ ὀλίγων, πολλῶν δὲ ματαιοταθ᾿, ἥκεις
καὶ σὺ πρὸς ἡμᾶς; καρτερικὸς γ᾿ εἶ. πόθεν ἄν σοι χλαῖνα γένοιτο;
τουτὶ τὸ κακὸν τῶν σκυτότομων κατ᾿ ἐπήρειαν γεγένηται
Archippus fr. 51 (Bachmann’s Lexicon)
“Ignorant is wise and just is unjust.”
ἀμαθὴς σοφός, δίκαιος ἄδικος
Yes. And War is Peace. Someone scooped Orwell, it seems. Archippus? Another Old Comic poet…