Quipping At Death and Disease: The End of Polemon the Sophist

Here’s a post from Philostratus on the impoliteness of Polemon the Sophist.  Today, his death (Lives of the Sophists, 543-4)

“When the doctors administered to him often because his joints were hardening, he used to advise them to “dig and cut Polemon’s quarries”. When he wrote a letter to Herodes about his sickness, he described it thus: “I must eat, but I haven’t hands. I must walk, but I am missing feet. I must feel pain, and then I find my hands and feet.”

He died around his fifty-sixth year. This time of life which is the beginning of old age for other professions, is still youth for a sophist—this discipline increases in wisdom as it ages.”

᾿Ιατροῖς δὲ θαμὰ ὑποκείμενος λιθιώντων αὐτῷ τῶν ἄρθρων παρεκελεύετο αὐτοῖς ὀρύττειν καὶ τέμνειν τὰς Πολέμωνος λιθοτομίας. ῾Ηρώδῃ δὲ ἐπιστέλλων ὑπὲρ τῆς νόσου ταύτης ὧδε ἐπέστειλεν· „δεῖ ἐσθίειν, χεῖρας οὐκ ἔχω· δεῖ βαδίζειν, πόδες οὐκ εἰσί μοι· δεῖ ἀλγεῖν, τότε καὶ πόδες εἰσί μοι καὶ χεῖρες.”

᾿Ετελεύτα μὲν περὶ τὰ ἓξ καὶ πεντήκοντα ἔτη, τὸ δὲ μέτρον τῆς ἡλικίας τοῦτο ταῖς μὲν ἄλλαις  ἐπιστήμαις γήρως ἀρχή, σοφιστῇ δὲ νεότης ἔτι, γηράσκουσα γὰρ ἥδε ἡ ἐπιστήμη σοφίαν ἀρτύνει.

Right hand (bronze) from a statue of Dionysos. Greek, Hellenistic Period,  150–50 B.C. | Sculpture, Greek statues, Hellenistic period

The Unremarkable Life of Phoinix the Thessalian Sophist

 

From Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists 22

 

“Phoinix the Thessalian is neither worthy of admiration nor, however, of being ignored completely. He was one of the students of Philagros, and he was better at invention than investigation—for although his thought was ordered, and he never said anything inappropriate to the moment, his style of speech seemed disconnected and out of rhythm. He was considered more effective with those who were just beginning their studies than those who were already possessed of some learning, since his subjects were just left unadorned and his diction did not dress them well. He died in Athens at age seventy and was buried in a conspicuous place, since he lies near those who died in the wars, on the right side of the road toward the Academy.”

κβ′. Φοῖνιξ δὲ ὁ Θετταλὸς οὐδὲ θαυμάσαι ἄξιος, οὐδὲ αὖ διαβαλεῖν πάντα. ἦν μὲν γὰρ τῶν Φιλάγρῳ πεφοιτηκότων, γνῶναι δὲ ἀμείνων ἢ ἑρμηνεῦσαι, τάξιν τε γὰρ τὸ νοηθὲν εἶχε καὶ οὐθὲν ἔξω καιροῦ ἐνοεῖτο, ἡ δὲ ἑρμηνεία διεσπάσθαι τε ἐδόκει καὶ ῥυθμοῦ ἀφεστηκέναι. ἐδόκει δὲ ἐπιτηδειότερος γεγονέναι τοῖς ἀρχομένοις τῶν νέων ἢ τοῖς ἕξιν τινὰ ἤδη κεκτημένοις, τὰ γὰρ πράγματα γυμνὰ ἐξέκειτο καὶ οὐ περιήμπισχεν αὐτὰ ἡ λέξις. ἑβδομηκοντούτης δὲ ἀποθανὼν ᾿Αθήνησιν ἐτάφη οὐκ ἀφανῶς, κεῖται γὰρ πρὸς τοῖς ἐκ τῶν πολέμων ἐν δεξιᾷ τῆς ᾿Ακαδημίανδε καθόδου.

Pro-Tip: The Difference between a Sophist and a Philosopher is Swagger

Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists 1.480-481: 

“It is necessary to consider the ancient sophistic art as a kind of rhetoric. For it presents discourses on the same things philosophers cover, but where the philosophers, in setting forth questions and in making small advances on their objects of investigations, assert that they still do not know anything, the ancient sophist claims that he does know the things he describes. At least, he recites as a beginning of his discourse phrases like “I know”, “I recognize”, and “I have noticed for some time,” or “Nothing is certain for man”. This species of introduction furnishes a sense of nobility and certainty to a speech along with implying a clear sense of what is real.”

Τὴν ἀρχαίαν σοφιστικὴν ῥητορικὴν ἡγεῖσθαι χρὴ φιλοσοφοῦσαν• διαλέγεται μὲν γὰρ ὑπὲρ ὧν οἱ φιλοσοφοῦντες, ἃ δὲ ἐκεῖνοι τὰς ἐρωτήσεις ὑποκαθήμενοι καὶ τὰ σμικρὰ τῶν ζητουμένων προβιβάζοντες οὔπω φασὶ γιγνώσκειν, ταῦτα ὁ παλαιὸς σοφιστὴς ὡς εἰδὼς λέγει. προοίμια γοῦν ποιεῖται τῶν λόγων τὸ „οἶδα” καὶ τὸ „γιγνώσκω” καὶ „πάλαι διέσκεμμαι” καὶ „βέβαιον ἀνθρώπῳ οὐδέν”. ἡ δὲ τοιαύτη ἰδέα τῶν προοιμίων εὐγένειάν τε προηχεῖ τῶν λόγων καὶ φρόνημα καὶ κατάληψιν
σαφῆ τοῦ ὄντος.

The Life of the Sophist Aelian: Writer, Coward, Homebody

We’ve quoted a lot on this site from the Varia Historia of Claudius Aelianus. Here’s the mixed praise delivered in his honor.

Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists 31

“Aelian was a Roman, but he used Attic just as well as the Athenians in the middle of the region. This man seems to me to be worthy of praise, first because he toiled to achieve a pure version of Greek even though he lived in a city that spoke a different language, and second because, although he was called sophist by those who flatter in this way, he did not believe them and he neither kept the same opinion of himself nor was inflated by the title—even though it is impressive—but once he examined himself well as unsuited for public speeches, he set himself to writing and earned wide respect from this. Simplicity is the overwhelming nature of the style, at times nearing the attractions of Nikostratos, at others he favors Dio and his tone.

Once Philostratos of Lemnos* met him when he had a book in hand and was reading it aloud with anger and a striking voice—he asked Aelian what he was pursuing and he answered “I have written a condemnation of Gynnis*, for that’s what I call the tyrant who has just been killed, since he shamed the Roman Empire with every type of disgusting behavior.” And Philostratus answered, “I would be more impressed if you had condemned him when he was alive!” For it takes a brave man to stand up to a living tyrant, while anyone can attack him when he’s dead.

Aelian used to say  that he had never traveled abroad anywhere outside of the Italian peninsula, and that he had never stepped on a ship or got to know the sea—for this reason he was praised in Rome on the grounds that he valued their lifestyle. He was a student of Pausanias but he respected Herodes the most varied of sophists. He lived until he was sixty years old and without children, for he avoided child-rearing by never marrying. Whether this is a blessing or a curse it is not the right time to consider.”

*Likely a relative of the Philostratus writing this Vita.

*”Womanly-Man”, for the Emperor Heliogabulus who was assassinated in 222 (and ascended to power at age 14!).

Elagabalus
Yo, Aelian…

λα′. Αἰλιανὸς δὲ ῾Ρωμαῖος μὲν ἦν, ἠττίκιζε δέ, ὥσπερ οἱ ἐν τῇ μεσογείᾳ ᾿Αθηναῖοι. ἐπαίνου μοι δοκεῖ ἄξιος ὁ ἀνὴρ οὗτος, πρῶτον μέν, ἐπειδὴ καθαρὰν φωνὴν ἐξεπόνησε πόλιν οἰκῶν ἑτέρᾳ φωνῇ χρωμένην, ἔπειθ’, ὅτι προσρηθεὶς σοφιστὴς ὑπὸ τῶν χαριζομένων τὰ τοιαῦτα οὐκ ἐπίστευσεν, οὐδὲ ἐκολάκευσε τὴν ἑαυτοῦ γνώμην, οὐδὲ ἐπήρθη ὑπὸ τοῦ ὀνόματος οὕτω μεγάλου ὄντος, ἀλλ’ ἑαυτὸν εὖ διασκεψάμενος ὡς μελέτῃ οὐκ ἐπιτήδειον τῷ ξυγγράφειν ἐπέθετο καὶ ἐθαυμάσθη ἐκ τούτου. ἡ μὲν ἐπίπαν ἰδέα τοῦ ἀνδρὸς ἀφέλεια προσβάλλουσά τι τῆς Νικοστράτου ὥρας, ἡ δὲ ἐνίοτε, πρὸς Δίωνα ὁρᾷ καὶ τὸν ἐκείνου τόνον.

᾿Εντυχὼν δέ ποτε αὐτῷ Φιλόστρατος ὁ Λήμνιος  βιβλίον ἔτι πρόχειρον ἔχοντι καὶ ἀναγιγνώσκοντιαὐτὸ σὺν ὀργῇ καὶ ἐπιτάσει τοῦ φθέγματος ἤρετο αὐτόν, ὅ τι σπουδάζοι, καὶ ὃς „ἐκπεπόνηταί μοι” ἔφη „κατηγορία τοῦ Γύννιδος, καλῶ γὰρ οὕτω τὸν ἄρτι καθῃρημένον τύραννον, ἐπειδὴ ἀσελγείᾳ πάσῃ τὰ ῾Ρωμαίων ᾔσχυνε.” καὶ ὁ Φιλόστρατος „ἐγώ σε” εἶπεν „ἐθαύμαζον ἄν, εἰ ζῶντος κατηγόρησας”. εἶναι γὰρ δὴ τὸ μὲν ζῶντα τύραννον ἐπικόπτειν ἀνδρός, τὸ δὲ ἐπεμβαίνειν κειμένῳ παντός.

῎Εφασκε δὲ ὁ ἀνὴρ οὗτος μηδ’ ἀποδεδημηκέναι ποι τῆς γῆς ὑπὲρ τὴν ᾿Ιταλῶν χώραν, μηδὲ ἐμβῆναι ναῦν, μηδὲ γνῶναι θάλατταν, ὅθεν καὶ λόγου πλείνος κατὰ τὴν ῾Ρώμην ἠξιοῦτο ὡς τιμῶν τὰ ἤθη. Παυσανίου μὲν οὖν ἀκροατὴς ἐγένετο, ἐθαύμαζε δὲ τὸν ῾Ηρώδην ὡς ποικιλώτατον ῥητόρων. ἐβίω δὲ ὑπὲρ τὰ ἑξήκοντα ἔτη καὶ ἐτελεύτα οὐκ ἐπὶ παισίν,  παιδοποιίαν γὰρ παρῃτήσατο τῷ μὴ γῆμαί ποτε. τοῦτο δὲ εἴτε εὔδαιμον εἴτε ἄθλιον οὐ τοῦ παρόντος καιροῦ φιλοσοφῆσαι.

Dionysius of Miletus and the Memory-Men: Learning by Nature, Not Magic

Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists, 521-522

“Consider it immaterial whether Dionysius of Miletus was, as some claim, born from famous forebears or whether, as others maintain, he was a child of freedmen, since he became well-known through his own efforts. For emphasis on one’s ancestors is a trait of those with no chance of praise earned on their own.

523-524

These foregoing details provide a general sense of Dionysius, and how it was his custom to consider the matter of his speeches as long as [his teacher] Isaios would. Concerning the story circulating about Dionysius, that he trained his students in mnemonic practice using the Chaldean arts*, I will attempt to show its origins. There are no special arts of memory, nor could there be. For, since memory teaches us the arts, it is unteachable itself; there is no method of gaining it since it is a present from nature or a portion of the immortal soul. For, it shouldn’t be credited that human beings are mortal, nor could any of the things we have learned be taught unless memory itself lived alongside men. Whether it is right to call her the mother of time or her child, I will not quibble with the poets—let it be whatever they want.

In addition to this, who canonized among the wise would be so heedless of his own reputation as to slander what has actually been taught correctly by using witchcraft with his students? Where, then, does the mnemonic skill of his followers come from? The speeches of Dionysius provided such pleasure to them that they compelled him to repeat them often, and he would—since he could sense their delight in hearing them. The students who learned more easily used to imprint them on their thoughts and they used to recite them to others once they had fully retained them by practice rather than memory.  This is why the used to be called “memory-men” and made this technique their art. In addition, this is why some criticize the speeches of Dionysius as bits collected from here and there, since they claim that where Dionysius was brief, others have added much.”

*i.e., Some type of magic

κβ′. Διονύσιος δὲ ὁ Μιλήσιος εἴθ’, ὡς ἔνιοί φασι, πατέρων ἐπιφανεστάτων ἐγένετο, εἴθ’, ὥς τινες, αὐτὸ τοῦτο ἐλευθέρων, ἀφείσθω τούτου τοῦ μέρους, ἐπειδὴ οἰκείᾳ ἀρετῇ ἐλαμπρύνετο, τὸ γὰρ καταφεύγειν ἐς τοὺς ἄνω ἀποβεβληκότων ἐστὶ τὸν ἐφ’ ἑαυτῶν ἔπαινον.

Τοιάδε μὲν ἡ ἐπίπαν ἰδέα τοῦ Διονυσίου, καθ’ ἣν τὰ τῆς μελέτης αὐτῷ προὔβαινεν ἐπισκοπουμένῳ καιρόν, ὅσονπερ ὁ ᾿Ισαῖος, ὁ δὲ λόγος ὁ περὶ τοῦ Διονυσίου λεγόμενος, ὡς Χαλδαίοις τέχναις τοὺς ὁμιλητὰς τὸ μνημονικὸν ἀναπαιδεύοντος πόθεν εἴρηται, ἐγὼ δηλώσω· τέχναι μνήμης οὔτε εἰσὶν οὔτ’ ἂν γένοιντο, μνήμη μὲν γὰρ δίδωσι τέχνας, αὐτὴ δὲ ἀδίδακτος καὶ οὐδεμιᾷ τέχνῃ ἁλωτός, ἔστι γὰρ πλεονέκτημα φύσεως ἢ τῆς ἀθανάτου ψυχῆς μοῖρα. οὐ γὰρ ἄν ποτε θνητὰ νομισθείη τὰ ἀνθρώπεια, οὐδὲ διδακτά, ἃ ἐμάθομεν, εἰ μνήμη συνεπολιτεύετο ἀνθρώποις, ἣν εἴτε μητέρα δεῖ χρόνου καλεῖν, εἴτε παῖδα, μὴ διαφερώμεθα πρὸς τοὺς ποιητάς, ἀλλ’ ἔστω, ὅ τι βούλονται. πρὸς δὲ τούτοις τίς οὕτως εὐήθης κατὰ τῆς ἑαυτοῦ δόξης ἐν σοφοῖς γραφόμενος, ὡς γοητεύων ἐν μειρακίοις διαβάλλειν καὶ ἃ ὀρθῶς ἐπαιδεύθη; πόθεν οὖν τὸ μνημονικὸν τοῖς ἀκροωμένοις; ἄπληστα τὴν ἡδονὴν ἐδόκει τὰ τοῦ Διονυσίου καὶ πολλάκις ἐπαναλαμβάνειν αὐτὰ ἠναγκάζετο, ἐπειδὴ ξυνίει σφῶν χαιρόντων τῇ ἀκροάσει. οἱ δὴ εὐμαθέστεροι τῶν νέων ἐνετυποῦντο αὐτὰ ταῖς γνώμαις καὶ ἀπήγγελλον ἑτέροις μελέτῃ μᾶλλον ἢ μνήμῃ ξυνειληφότες, ὅθεν μνημονικοί τε ὠνομάζοντο καὶ τέχνην αὐτὸ πεποιημένοι. ἔνθεν ὁρμώμενοί τινες τὰς τοῦ Διονυσίου μελέτας ἐσπερματολογῆσθαί φασιν, ὡς δὴ ἄλλο ἄλλου ξυνενεγκόντων ἐς αὐτάς, ἐν ᾧ ἐβραχυλόγησεν.

Philagros’ Anger and Self-Loathing: Or, Why A Sophist Might Make a Bad Parent

Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists, 581

“Philagros was shorter than average, his brow was harsh, and his eye watchful. He was quick to get fall into a rage, but he wasn’t ignorant of his own character. When one of his friends asked him why he didn’t enjoy raising children, he said “Because I don’t even enjoy myself.” Some say he died on the sea; others report that he reached the first part of old age in Italy.”

Μέγεθος μὲν οὖν ὁ Φίλαγρος μετρίου μείων, τὴν δὲ ὀφρὺν πικρὸς καὶ τὸ ὄμμα ἕτοιμος καὶ ἐς ὀργὴν ἐκκληθῆναι πρόθυμος, καὶ τὸ ἐν αὐτῷ δύστροπον οὐδ’ αὐτὸς ἠγνόει· ἐρομένου γοῦν αὐτὸν ἑνὸς τῶν ἑταίρων, τί μαθὼν παιδοτροφίᾳ οὐ χαίροι, „ὅτι” ἔφη „οὐδ’ ἐμαυτῷ χαίρω.” ἀποθανεῖν δὲ αὐτὸν οἱ μὲν ἐν τῇ θαλάττῃ, οἱ δὲ ἐν ᾿Ιταλίᾳ περὶ πρῶτον γῆρας.

This Vita seems a bit strange in its characterization. Here’s the introductory segment (578):

“Philagros of Cilicia, a student of Lollianos, was the most volatile and irascible of the sophists.  There’s a story that when a member of his audience dozed off, he struck him with an open hand. He made a start on fame when he was young and did not let off even as he grew old—he achieved enough that he was considered a model of a teacher. After living among many different nations and becoming famous for his management of arguments, he could not control his own anger well in Athens where he fell into a fight with Herodes as if he had come there for that reason.”

η′. Φίλαγρος δὲ ὁ Κίλιξ Λολλιανοῦ μὲν ἀκροατὴς ἐγένετο, σοφιστῶν δὲ θερμότατος καὶ ἐπιχολώτατος, λέγεται γὰρ δὴ νυστάζοντά ποτε ἀκροατὴν καὶ ἐπὶ κόρρης πλῆξαι, καὶ ὁρμῇ δὲ λαμπρᾷ ἐκ μειρακίου χρησάμενος οὐκ ἀπελείφθη αὐτῆς οὐδ’ ὁπότε ἐγήρασκεν, ἀλλ’ οὕτω τι ἐπέδωκεν, ὡς καὶ σχῆμα τοῦ διδασκάλου νομισθῆναι. πλείστοις δὲ ἐπιμίξας ἔθνεσι καὶ δοκῶν ἄριστα μεταχειρίζεσθαι τὰς ὑποθέσεις οὐ μετεχειρίσατο ᾿Αθήνησιν εὖ τὴν αὑτοῦ  χολήν, ἀλλ’ ἐς ἀπέχθειαν ῾Ηρώδῃ κατέστησεν ἑαυτόν, καθάπερ τούτου ἀφιγμένος ἕνεκα.

Money’s No Good Unless You Use It for Good: The Life of Herodes the Sophist

On the Wealth of Herodes the Athenian (Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists, 547)

“[Herodes] used his wealth in the best way of all men. We do not, however, believe that this was the easiest thing to do, but instead that it was wholly difficult and unpleasant.  For men who are drunk with wealth usually afflict other people with insults. In addition, they make the specious claim that wealth is blind—but even if wealth appears rightly blind at other times, it looked upon Herodes: it gazed upon his friends, his cities, and whole nations since the man was able to keep a watch over them all and make a storehouse of his riches in the opinions of the men with whom he shared them.

For he used to say indeed that it was necessary for the man who would use wealth correctly to provide it to those who need it so that they may not be in need and also to those who didn’t need it, so that they might not become impoverished. He used to call wealth that was not used and was hoarded up by envy “corpse wealth” and the storehouses of those who hoarded their riches “prisons of wealth. He mocked those who believed it was right to sacrifice to their accumulated riches “Aloadae” because [Otos and Ephialtes] had sacrificed to Ares after they imprisoned him.”*

῎Αριστα δὲ ἀνθρώπων πλούτῳ ἐχρήσατο. τουτὶ δὲ μὴ τῶν εὐμεταχειρίστων ἡγώμεθα, ἀλλὰ τῶν παγχαλέπων τε καὶ δυσκόλων, οἱ γὰρ πλούτῳ μεθύοντες  ὕβριν τοῖς ἀνθρώποις ἐπαντλοῦσιν. προσδιαβάλλουσι δὲ ὡς καὶ τυφλὸν τὸν πλοῦτον, ὃς εἰ καὶ τὸν ἄλλον χρόνον ἐδόκει τυφλός, ἀλλ’ ἐπὶ ῾Ηρώδου ἀνέβλεψεν, ἔβλεψε μὲν γὰρ ἐς φίλους, ἔβλεψε δὲ ἐς πόλεις, ἔβλεψε δὲ ἐς ἔθνη, πάντων περιωπὴν ἔχοντος τοῦ ἀνδρὸς καὶ θησαυρίζοντος τὸν πλοῦτον ἐν ταῖς τῶν μετεχόντων αὐτοῦ γνώμαις. ἔλεγε γὰρ δή, ὡς προσήκοι τὸν ὀρθῶς πλούτῳ χρώμενον τοῖς μὲν δεομένοις ἐπαρκεῖν, ἵνα μὴ δέωνται, τοῖς δὲ μὴ δεομένοις, ἵνα μὴ δεηθῶσιν, ἐκάλει τε τὸν μὲν ἀσύμβολον πλοῦτον καὶ φειδοῖ κεκολασμένον νεκρὸν πλοῦτον, τοὺς δὲ θησαυρούς, ἐς οὓς ἀποτίθενται τὰ χρήματαἔνιοι, πλούτου δεσμωτήρια, τοὺς δὲ καὶ θύειν ἀξιοῦντας ἀποθέτοις χρήμασιν ᾿Αλωάδας ἐπωνόμαζε θύοντας ῎Αρει μετὰ τὸ δῆσαι αὐτόν.

*This story is told in the Iliad 5.385 as part of Dione’s catalogue of mortals who caused the gods harm.  Otus and Ephialtes captured Ares and put him in a bronze jar.

Quipping At Death and Disease: The End of Polemon the Sophist

Last week we posted an anecdote from Philostratus on the impoliteness of Polemon the Sophist.  Today, his death (Lives of the Sophists, 543-4)

“When the doctors administered to him often because his joints were hardening, he used to advise them to “dig and cut Polemon’s quarries”. When he wrote a letter to Herodes about his sickness, he described it thus: “I must eat, but I haven’t hands. I must walk, but I am missing feet. I must feel pain, and then I find my hands and feet.”

He died around his fifty-sixth year. This time of life which is the beginning of old age for other professions, is still youth for a sophist—this discipline increases in wisdom as it ages.”

᾿Ιατροῖς δὲ θαμὰ ὑποκείμενος λιθιώντων αὐτῷ τῶν ἄρθρων παρεκελεύετο αὐτοῖς ὀρύττειν καὶ τέμνειν τὰς Πολέμωνος λιθοτομίας. ῾Ηρώδῃ δὲ ἐπιστέλλων ὑπὲρ τῆς νόσου ταύτης ὧδε ἐπέστειλεν· „δεῖ ἐσθίειν, χεῖρας οὐκ ἔχω· δεῖ βαδίζειν, πόδες οὐκ εἰσί μοι· δεῖ ἀλγεῖν, τότε καὶ πόδες εἰσί μοι καὶ χεῖρες.”

᾿Ετελεύτα μὲν περὶ τὰ ἓξ καὶ πεντήκοντα ἔτη, τὸ δὲ μέτρον τῆς ἡλικίας τοῦτο ταῖς μὲν ἄλλαις  ἐπιστήμαις γήρως ἀρχή, σοφιστῇ δὲ νεότης ἔτι, γηράσκουσα γὰρ ἥδε ἡ ἐπιστήμη σοφίαν ἀρτύνει.

Polemon The Sophist Was Rather Impolite (Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists 535)

“Once when an actor of tragedy from the Olympian games in Asia presided over by Polemon, promised to sue him because he had kicked him out at the beginning of his play, the Emperor [Marcus Aurelius] asked the actor what time it was when this happed. When the actor said that it occurred around midday, the Emperor responded wittily: “Well he kicked me out of his house in the middle of the night and I didn’t sue him.”

Let these details be a clear sign of both a mild emperor and an arrogant man. Polemon was so conceited that he talked to cities as if they were beneath him, to rulers as if they were not above him and to gods as if an equal.

When he gave a performance of improvised speeches to the Athenians upon his first visit to the city, he did not deign to offer praise for the city even though there are many things which one might say on Athens’ behalf. Nor did he expatiate on his own fame, even though this approach often benefitted sophists in their performances. No, because he knew well that it was natural for Athenians to need to be restrained rather than be encouraged, he spoke as follows: “They say that you, Athenians, are wise audiences of speeches. I will test this.”

And when a man, who ruled the Bosporus and was outfitted with all types of Greek learning, came to Smyrna to learn about Ionia, Polemon not only failed to take his place among the attendants, but he put the man off frequently even when he requested an audience until he forced the lord to come to his own house carrying a payment of ten talents.

When he arrived in Pergamon, because he was sick in his joints, he convalesced in a temple. When Asclepius appeared to him and advised him to refrain from cold drinks, Polemon said, “Dear man, what if you were tending to a cow?”

ὑποκριτοῦ δὲ τραγῳδίας ἀπὸ τῶν κατὰ τὴν ᾿Ασίαν ᾿Ολυμπίων, οἷς ἐπεστάτει ὁ Πολέμων, ἐφιέναι φήσαντος, ἐξελαθῆναι γὰρ παρ’ αὐτοῦ κατ’ ἀρχὰς τοῦ δράματος, ἤρετο ὁ αὐτοκράτωρ τὸν ὑποκριτήν, πηνίκα εἴη, ὅτε τῆς σκηνῆς ἠλάθη, τοῦ δὲ εἰπόντος, ὡς μεσημβρία τυγχάνοι οὖσα, μάλα ἀστείως ὁ αὐτοκράτωρ „ἐμὲ δὲ” εἶπεν „ἀμφὶ μέσας νύκτας ἐξήλασε τῆς οἰκίας, καὶ οὐκ ἐφῆκα.”

᾿Εχέτω μοι [καὶ] ταῦτα δήλωσιν βασιλέως τε πρᾴου καὶ ἀνδρὸς ὑπέρφρονος. ὑπέρφρων γὰρ δὴ οὕτω τι ὁ Πολέμων, ὡς πόλεσι μὲν ἀπὸ τοῦ προὔχοντος, δυνασταῖς δὲ ἀπὸ τοῦ μὴ ὑφειμένου, θεοῖς δὲ ἀπὸ τοῦ ἴσου διαλέγεσθαι. ᾿Αθηναίοις μὲν γὰρ ἐπιδεικνύμενος αὐτοσχεδίους λόγους, ὅτε καὶ πρῶτον ᾿Αθήναζε ἀφίκετο, οὐκ ἐς ἐγκώμια κατέστησεν ἑαυτὸν τοῦ ἄστεος, τοσούτων ὄντων, ἅ τις ὑπὲρ ᾿Αθηναίων ἂν εἴποι, οὐδ’ ὑπὲρ τῆς ἑαυτοῦ δόξης ἐμακρηγόρησε, καίτοι καὶ τῆς τοιᾶσδε ἰδέας ὠφελούσης τοὺς σοφιστὰς ἐν ταῖς ἐπιδείξεσιν, ἀλλ’ εὖ γιγνώσκων, ὅτι τὰς ᾿Αθηναίων φύσεις ἐπικόπτειν χρὴ μᾶλλον ἢ ἐπαίρειν διελέχθη ὧδε· „φασὶν ὑμᾶς, ὦ ᾿Αθηναῖοι, σοφοὺς εἶναι ἀκροατὰς λόγων· εἴσομαι.” ἀνδρὸς δέ, ὃς ἦρχε μὲν Βοσπόρου, πᾶσαν δὲ ῾Ελληνικὴν παίδευσιν ἥρμοστο, καθ’ ἱστορίαν τῆς ᾿Ιωνίας ἐς τὴν Σμύρναν ἥκοντος οὐ μόνον οὐκ ἔταξεν ἑαυτὸν ἐν τοῖς θεραπεύουσιν, ἀλλὰ καὶ δεομένου ξυνεῖναί οἱ θαμὰ ἀνεβάλλετο, ἕως ἠνάγκασε τὸν βασιλέα ἐπὶ θύρας ἀφικέσθαι ἀπάγοντα μισθοῦ δέκα τάλαντα. ἥκων δὲ ἐς τὸ Πέργαμον, ὅτε δὴ τὰ ἄρθρα ἐνόσει, κατέδαρθε μὲν ἐν τῷ ἱερῷ, ἐπιστάντος δὲ αὐτῷ τοῦ ᾿Ασκληπιοῦ καὶ προειπόντος ἀπέχεσθαι ψυχροῦ ποτοῦ ὁ Πολέμων „βέλτιστε,” εἶπεν „εἰ δὲ βοῦν ἐθεράπευες;”

I must confess that I couldn’t convey Polemo’s nastiness to the Athenians well enough in the translation. In addition, I really don’t know what is going on with his comments to Asclepius.

The Wit and Wisdom of Nicetes of Smyrna

Philostratus, Lives of the Sophists 511

“Even though he was held in high esteem in Smyrna, which would shout almost anything in praise of him as a wondrous man and orator, Nicetes did not mix much with the people. He gave the following explanation of his fear to the crowd: “I fear the people more when they praise me than when they mock me.” Once when a tax-man acted offensively to him in the court room and said “Stop barking at me”, Nicetes responded cleverly, “By Zeus, I will when you stop biting me!”

Μεγάλων δ’ ἀξιούμενος τῆς Σμύρνης τί οὐκ ἐπ’ αὐτῷ βοώσης ὡς ἐπ’ ἀνδρὶ θαυμασίῳ καὶ ῥήτορι, οὐκ ἐθάμιζεν ἐς τὸν δῆμον, ἀλλ’ αἰτίαν παρὰ τοῖς πολλοῖς ἔχων φόβου „φοβοῦμαι” ἔφη „δῆμον ἐπαίροντα μᾶλλον ἢ λοιδορούμενον.” τελώνου δὲ θρασυναμένου ποτὲ πρὸς αὐτὸν ἐν δικαστηρίῳ καὶ εἰπόντος „παῦσαι ὑλακτῶν με” μάλα ἀστείως ὁ Νικήτης „νὴ Δία”, εἶπεν „ἢν καὶ σὺ παύσῃ δάκνων με.”

Nicetes lived around the time of the Emperor Nero.