Not Trying to Vie With the 1%

Plutarch, Cato:

“Cato gave to the soldiers who had helped him in this campaign many things, and distributed a pound of silver to each man, saying that it would be better for many of the Romans to return with silver than a few to return with gold. He claims that he received none of the spoils but what he ate and drank, and said, ‘I do not have a problem with those who are trying to benefit from the spoils, but I would rather vie with the noblest men on the field of virtue than with the richest men in the arena of wealth and the greediest in degree of avarice.”

Cato Drawing - Marcus Porcius Cato (234-149 Bc), Roman by Mary Evans Picture Library

τοῖς μέν οὖν στρατιώταις πολλὰ παρὰ τὴν στρατείαν ὠφεληθεῖσιν ἔτι καὶ λίτραν ἀργυρίου κατ᾽ ἄνδρα προσδιένειμεν, εἰπὼν ὡς κρεῖττον εἴη πολλοὺς Ῥωμαίων ἀργύριον ἢ χρυσίον ὀλίγους ἔχοντας ἐπανελθεῖν. εἰς δ᾽ αὑτὸν ἐκ τῶν ἁλισκομένων οὐδὲν ἐλθεῖν λέγει πλὴν ὅσα πέπωκεν ἢ βέβρωκε. ‘καὶ οὐκ αἰτιῶμαι,’ φησί, ‘τοὺς ὠφελεῖσθαι ζητοῦντας ἐκ τούτων, ἀλλὰ βούλομαι μᾶλλον περὶ ἀρετῆς τοῖς ἀρίστοις ἢ περὶ χρημάτων τοῖς πλουσιωτάτοις ἁμιλλᾶσθαι καὶ τοῖς φιλαργυρωτάτοις περὶ φιλαργυρίας.’

The Palladion and Pelops’s Bones

Clement of Alexandria, Protreptikos, 4.47.6

“Many would probably be amazed if they learned that the Palladion, reportedly heaven sent, which Diomedes and Odusseus are said to have taken from Troy and then gave to Demophon, was made of Pelops’s bones, just as the Olympion was made from various bones of an Indian animal. I rely on Dionysus for this, who reports it in the fifth book of his Cycle.”

πολλοὶ δ᾽ ἂν τάχα που θαυμάσειαν, εἰ μάθοιεν τὸ Παλλάδιον τὸ διοπετὲς καλούμενον, ὃ Διομήδης καὶ ᾽Οδυσσεὺς ἱοτοροῦνται μὲν ὑφελέσθαι ἀπὸ ᾽Ιλίου, παρακαταθέσθαι δὲ Δημοφῶντι, ἐκ τῶν Πέλοπος ὀστῶν κατεσκευάσθαι, καθάπερ τὸν ᾽Ολύμπιον ἐξ ἄλλων ὀστῶν ᾽Ινδικοῦ θηρίου. καὶ δὴ τὸν ἱστοροῦντα Διονύσιον ἐν τῶι πέμπτωι μέρει τοῦ Κύκλου παρίστημι.

Image result for odysseus diomedes palladium
Roman Marble Relief of Palladium

Monasticism and Gallic Gluttony

Sulpicius Severus, Dialogues 1.8:

“’Jerome was, in addition to the merit of his faith and the gift of his virtues, educated not just in Latin and Greek, but even in Hebraic literature, to such an extent that no one would dare to compare themselves to him in any field of knowledge. I would be surprised if he is not known to you through the many works which he has written, since he is read all around the world.’

The Gaul responded to me, ‘Oh, he is all too well known to us. About five years ago I read a certain little book of his, in which the whole nation of our monks is hassled and reproved by him. And a Belgian friend of mine often gets angry because Jerome said that we are accustomed to feed until we vomit. I would give him a pass on it, however, and I think that he was talking more about eastern monks than those in the west, since a fondness for eating is considered gluttony among the Greeks, but among us Gauls it is just nature.’”

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uir enim praeter fidei meritum dotemque uirtutum non solum Latinis atque Graecis, sed et Hebraeis litteris ita institutus est, ut se illi in omni scientia nemo audeat conparare. Miror autem, si non et uobis per multa quae scripsit opera conpertus est, cum per totum orbem legatur.

Nobis uero, Gallus inquit,nimium nimiumque conpertus est. nam ante hoc quinquennium quendam illius libellum legi, in quo tota nostrorum natio monachorum ab eo uehementissime uexatur et carpitur. unde interdum  Belgicus noster ualde irasci solet, quod dixerit, nos usque ad uomitum solere satiari. ego autem illi uiro ignosco, adque ita sentio, de orientalibus illum potius monachis quam de occidentalibus disputasse. nam edacitas in Graecis gula est, in Gallis natura.

Catullus Would Be Disappointed

W.B. Yeats, The Scholars:

Bald heads forgetful of their sins,
Old, learned, respectable bald heads
Edit and annotate the lines
That young men, tossing on their beds,
Rhymed out in love’s despair
To flatter beauty’s ignorant ear.
All shuffle there; all cough in ink;
All wear the carpet with their shoes;
All think what other people think;
All know the man their neighbour knows.
Lord, what would they say
Did their Catullus walk that way?

Godfrey Kneller - Old Scholar (Vanitas Allegory)
Godfrey Kneller, Old Scholar

The Learned Traveler Abroad

Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad:

“At two in the morning we swept through the Straits of Messina, and so bright was the moonlight that Italy on the one hand and Sicily on the other seemed almost as distinctly visible as though we looked at them from the middle of a street we were traversing. The city of Messina, milk-white, and starred and spangled all over with gaslights, was a fairy spectacle. A great party of us were on deck smoking and making a noise, and waiting to see famous Scylla and Charybdis. And presently the Oracle stepped out with his eternal spy-glass and squared himself on the deck like another Colossus of Rhodes. It was a surprise to see him abroad at such an hour. Nobody supposed he cared anything about an old fable like that of Scylla and Charybdis. One of the boys said:

‘Hello, doctor, what are you doing up here at this time of night?—What do you want to see this place for?’

‘What do I want to see this place for? Young man, little do you know me, or you wouldn’t ask such a question. I wish to see all the places that’s mentioned in the Bible.’

‘Stuff—this place isn’t mentioned in the Bible.’

‘It ain’t mentioned in the Bible!—this place ain’t—well now, what place is this, since you know so much about it?’

‘Why it’s Scylla and Charybdis.’

‘Scylla and Cha—confound it, I thought it was Sodom and Gomorrah!’

And he closed up his glass and went below. The above is the ship story. Its plausibility is marred a little by the fact that the Oracle was not a biblical student, and did not spend much of his time instructing himself about Scriptural localities.—They say the Oracle complains, in this hot weather, lately, that the only beverage in the ship that is passable, is the butter. He did not mean butter, of course, but inasmuch as that article remains in a melted state now since we are out of ice, it is fair to give him the credit of getting one long word in the right place, anyhow, for once in his life. He said, in Rome, that the Pope was a noble-looking old man, but he never did think much of his Iliad.”

https://i0.wp.com/www.southernfriedscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/both-monsters.jpg

The Wings of Daedalus’ Ship

Servius Danielis, Commentary ad Aeneid, 6, 14

“Phandicus, in his Deliakon says that Daedalus embarked on a ship in flight for the reasons I mentioned earlier and when those who were following got close, he spread out a large cloth to get the winds to help them and escaped in this way. When his pursuers returned, they announced that “he escaped with wings”.

Phanodicos Deliacon Daedalum propter supradictas causas fugientem navem conscendisse et, cum imminerent qui eum sequebantur, intendisse pallium ad adiuvandum ventos et sic evasisse: illos vero qui insequebantur reversos nuntiasse pinnis illum evasisse.

Pottery: black-figured kylix (drinking cup) with scenes of a merchant vessel being chased and attacked by pirates.
Kylix from the British Museum, Attic 520 BCE (1867,0508.963)

Escaping the Self is Impossible

Lucretius, De Rerum Natura 3.1053-1075

“When people seem to feel that there is a weight
On their minds, which wears them out with its pressure–
If they were able to understand where it comes from and what causes
So great a burden of misery to press upon their chests,
They would hardly live their lives as we now see most do:
Each person does not know what he wants and always seeks
To change his place as if he could possibly slough of the burden.

Often this man departs from the doors of his great home,
When he has tired of being there, only to return suddenly
When he comes to believe that he is no better off outside.
He rushes out driving his ponies heedlessly to his villa
As if he were bringing crucial help to a burning home.
Yet when he arrives and crosses the threshold of the house,
He either falls into a deep sleep or pursues oblivion,
Or he even rushes to visit the city again,
This is the way each man flees from himself, but it is his self
That it is impossible to escape, so he clings to it thanklessly and hates.

He does this because he is a sick man who is ignorant of the cause.
If he knew the cause, he would abandon all these things
And begin his first study of the nature of things,
Since the problem is not that of a single hour but of eternal time—
In what state we must understand that all time will pass
For mortal man after the death that awaits all of us.”

Image result for ancient roman art death

Si possent homines, proinde ac sentire videntur
pondus inesse animo, quod se gravitate fatiget,
e quibus id fiat causis quoque noscere et unde
tanta mali tam quam moles in pectore constet,
haut ita vitam agerent, ut nunc plerumque videmus
quid sibi quisque velit nescire et quaerere semper,
commutare locum, quasi onus deponere possit.
exit saepe foras magnis ex aedibus ille,
esse domi quem pertaesumst, subitoque [revertit>,
quippe foris nihilo melius qui sentiat esse.
currit agens mannos ad villam praecipitanter
auxilium tectis quasi ferre ardentibus instans;
oscitat extemplo, tetigit cum limina villae,
aut abit in somnum gravis atque oblivia quaerit,
aut etiam properans urbem petit atque revisit.
hoc se quisque modo fugit, at quem scilicet, ut fit,
effugere haut potis est: ingratius haeret et odit
propterea, morbi quia causam non tenet aeger;
quam bene si videat, iam rebus quisque relictis
naturam primum studeat cognoscere rerum,
temporis aeterni quoniam, non unius horae,
ambigitur status, in quo sit mortalibus omnis
aetas, post mortem quae restat cumque manendo.

Nothing Left for the Learned

Leon Battista Alberti,
On the Advantages and Disadvantages of Literature (Part II):

“Therefore, turning over many things in my mind both for my own sake and that of my friends, I was meditating in what worthy endeavor I might test the strength of my intellect, and then – with the encouragement of my friends – I might test whether it was in me. Nothing ever came to my mind during this investigation which itself had not already been taken up beautifully by those divine ancient writers, and so it seemed that it was not left for the most learned man of this age to speak upon a matter better than the ancients did themselves, nor was it left to me to do anything similar to them in a fitting or worthy way. The ancients themselves embraced all serious and trivial subjects so thoroughly, and they left for us only the opportunity and the necessity of reading and admiring them.

Then, in our time, those who are of an older age seized, for the sake of their praise and reputation, upon some things which had perhaps been lying neglected by the ancient authors. For those who desired glory thought rightly that it was much better to attempt something even if it be not entirely perfect and absolute, than simply to grow old from silence in the study of letters. What then about us? Will we to no good end imitate that orator Isocrates, who is said to have praised the most worthless tyrant Busiris and heaped scorn upon Socrates, the best and holiest philosopher, in his celebrated speeches? To be sure, here is what I think: I have conceded many things to us especially as we exercised our talents in youth, which otherwise are denied to us as mature men in the perfection of our erudition.”

Leon Battista Alberti

Itaque et mea et meorum causa sepe ac multum animo et cogitatione plurima ipse mecum versans meditabar quidnam possem dignum adinvenire in quo vires ingenii mei periclitarer, tum meis iubentibus, si quid in me esset, obtemperarem. Nihil mihi unquam pervestiganti in mentem subiit, quod ipsum a priscis illis divinis scriptoribus non pulchre esset occupatum, ut neque eam rem viro hac etate doctissimo quam iidem illi melius dicere neque mihi similia illis apte et condigne agere relictum sit; ita et seria omnia et iocosa veteres ipsi complexi sunt, nobis tantum legendi atque admirandi sui facultatem et necessitatem dimiserunt.

Tum hac etate qui maiores adsunt natu nonnulla que fortassis a superioribus scriptoribus neglecta latitabant laudis et nominis gratia deprehenderunt. Nam prestantius esse recte opinantur ii qui laudem cupiant quippiam etsi non omni ex parte perfectum atque absolutum conari, quam in litteris silentio consenescere. Quid igitur nos? Num parum commode Isocratem illum rhetorem imitabimur qui Busiridem nequissimum tyrannum laudasse ac Socratem optimum et sanctissimum philosophum conditis orationibus vituperasse fertur? Sane sic censeo: multa ingenium exercentibus nobis presertim iuvenibus concedi, que alioquin maturis et perfecte eruditis viris denegarentur.

Arguing a Bad Case

Aulus Gellius, Attic Nights (17.12):

“Even the ancients applied themselves to disgraceful subjects (or inconceivable, if you prefer), which the Greeks called adoxous hypotheseis. It was not only the sophists who did this, but real philosophers too. My main man Favorinus lowered himself to those subjects with the greatest cheer, thinking them fit either for clearing his mind, exercising his subtlety, or conquering difficulties with practice, just as when he sought some praise of Thersites, he praised a fever which recurred every four days and then spoke many things which were difficult to come up with on either side, and left them written in his books. He even brought Plato forth as a witness in the praises of the fever, saying that he wrote that one who suffers from quartan fever and recovers full strength will later enjoy more reliable and constant good health. Moreover, in those very same fever praises, he played around charmingly with this little idea: ‘The verse is well proven by the history of humanity: Sometimes the day is like a step-mother, sometimes like a mother.’ The line means that one cannot be doing well on every day, but do well on one day and poorly on another. Since this was the case, he said, ‘since in human life fortune is alternately good and bad, how much more fortunate is this fever broken by a two-day stretch: here we have one stepmother for every two mothers.'”

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Infames materias, sive quis mavult dicere inopinabiles, quas Graeci adoxous hypotheseis appellant, et veteres adorti sunt non sophistae solum, sed philosophi quoque, et noster Favorinus oppido quam libens in eas materias se deiciebat vel ingenio expergificando ratus idoneas vel exercendis argutiis vel edomandis usu difficultatibus, sicuti, cum Thersitae laudes quaesivit et cum febrim quartis diebus recurrentem laudavit, lepida sane multa et non facilia inventu in utramque causam dixit eaque scripta in libris reliquit. Sed in febris laudibus testem etiam Platonem produxit, quem scripsisse ait, qui quartanam passus convaluerit viresque integras recuperaverit, fidelius constantiusque postea valiturum. Atque inibi in isdem laudibus non hercle hac sententiola invenuste lusit: “versus” inquit “est longo hominum aevo probatus::

ἄλλοτε μητρυιὴ πέλει ἡμέρη, ἄλλοτε μήτηρ.

Eo versu significatur non omni die bene esse posse, sed isto bene atque alio male. Quod cum ita sit,” inquit “ut in rebus humanis bene aut male vice alterna sit, haec biduo medio intervallata febris quanto est fortunatior, in qua est mia metryia, duo meteres?”

Tawdry Tuesday: Proctological Proverb Edition

Arsenius, 34a1

“May you fall into Hades’ asshole”: [a curse]: may you die.

῞Αιδου πρωκτῷ περιπέσῃς: ἤγουν τελευτήσῃς.

Note: Even though Ancient Greek prôktos can merely mean “rear end” (as in butt), it most often means ‘anus’ in comedy and insults. Also, I wanted to use something profane and given the British/American divide on arse/ass, I decided just to go with “asshole” because it is funnier. In addition, I know that dative + peri for in the first example is not properly fall into, but “fall around, trace around, linger in” does not have the same ‘punch’.

Diogenianus (v.1 e cod. Marz. 2.42)

“I wish you’d fall into Hades’ asshole”: this is clear

῞Αιδου πρωκτῷ περιπέσοις: δῆλον.

Diogenianus (v.2 e cod. Vindob. 133, 1.97 )

“I wish you’d fall into Hades’ asshole”: Used for cursing someone

Αἵδου πρωκτῷ περιπέσοις: ἐπὶ τῶν καταρωμένων τινί.

Diogenianus, 3.58

“The asshole survives the bath” [or, “Ass surpasses the bath”]. Whenever someone is not able to wash himself, but his bowels still assail him. This is a proverb used for things done uselessly.

Πρωκτὸς λουτροῦ περιγίνεται: ὅταν τις μὴ δύνηται ἀπονίψασθαι, ἀλλ’ ἡ κοιλία αὐτῷ ἐπιφέρηται. λέγεται ἡ παροιμία ἐπὶ τῶν ἀνωφελῶς πραττομένων.

Michael Apostolius, 14.78

“The asshole survives the bath”: This proverb is used for things done uselessly and done for show. For people with thick asses and potbellies are not able to wash themselves off easily.”

Πρωκτὸς λουτροῦ περιγίνεται: ἐπὶ τῶν ἀνωφελῶν καὶ εἰκῇ πραττομένων ἐλέγετο· οἱ γὰρ παχύπρωκτοι καὶ προγάστορες οὐ δύνανται ἑαυτοὺς ἀπονίψασθαι εὐπετῶς.

Zenobius, Vulg. 1.52

“It was cured by Akesias”: this is a proverb for when things are healed for the worse. Aristophanes provides the proverb in tetrameters: “Akesias healed his asshole.”

Ἀκεσίας ἰάσατο· ἐπὶ τῶν ἐπὶ τὸ χεῖρον ἰωμένων. ὅλην δὲ Ἀριστοφάνης ἐν τετραμέτροις τὴν παροιμίαν ἐκφέρει, λέγων· Ἀκεσίας τὸν πρωκτὸν ἰάσατο.

Suda, s.v. Ἀφευθεὶς

“Singed around the asshole:” Aristophanes has this instead of being “all burned up”

Ἀφευθεὶς τὸν πρωκτόν: Ἀριστοφάνης ἀντὶ τοῦ φλογισθείς.

Balneum Tripergulae – particolare da miniatura del Codice Angelico del “De Balneis Puteolanis� di Pietro da Eboli.

Bonus: Suda on defecation (And there is more of this)

Apopatêma: this is the same as ‘dung’ Eupolis has in his Golden Age: “What is that man? Shit of a fox.” And Kratinus has in Runaway Slaves: I knocked Kerkyon out at dawn when I found him shitting in the vegetables.” We also find the participle apopatêsomenoi (“they are about to shit”) which means they are going to evacuate the feces from their bodies. But patos also means path.

Aristophanes writes “No one sacrifices the old way any more or even enters the temple except for the more than ten thousand who want to shit. So, apopatos is really the voiding of the bowels. Aristophanes also says about Kleonymous: “He went off to shit after he got he army and shat for ten months in the golden mountains? For how long was he closing his asshole? A whole turn of the moon?”

Ἀποπάτημα: αὐτὸ τὸ σκύβαλον. Εὔπολις Χρυσῷ γένει: τί γάρ ἐστ’ ἐκεῖνος; ἀποπάτημ’ ἀλώπεκος. Κρατῖνος Δραπέτισι: τὸν Κερκύονά τε ἕωθεν ἀποπατοῦντ’ ἐπὶ τοῖς λαχάνοις εὑρὼν ἀπέπνιξα. καὶ Ἀποπατησόμενοι, τὴν κόπρον κενώσοντες. πάτος δὲ ἡ ὁδός. Ἀριστοφάνης: οὐδεὶς θύει τοπαράπαν οὐδ’ εἰσέρχεται, πλὴν ἀποπατησόμενοί γε πλεῖν ἢ μύριοι. Ἀπόπατος γὰρ ἡ κένωσις τῆς γαστρός. καὶ Ἀριστοφάνης περὶ Κλεωνύμου φησίν: εἰς ἀπόπατον ᾤχετο στρατιὰν λαβὼν κἄχεζεν ὀκτὼ μῆνας ἐπὶ χρυσῶν ὄρων. πόσου δὲ τὸν πρωκτὸν χρόνου ξυνήγαγε; τῇ πανσελήνῳ.

From Henderson’s Maculate Muse

proktos

Eubulus, fr. 106

“This is an asshole and you are always full of nonsense.
For the asshole is tongueless and chatty at the same time.

(A.) πρωκτὸς μὲν οὖν οὗτός <γε>· σὺ δὲ ληρεῖς ἔχων.
οὗτος γὰρ αὑτός ἐστιν ἄγλωττος λάλος,