Venereal Disease? Try Venereal Death!

Ovid, Amores 2.11.21-36:

Let savage Amor break up my lazy hours of sleep, and let me not be the only burden upon my bed! Let my girlfriend wreck me with no one there to stop it. One may be enough, but if she isn’t, then two! I can handle it. My limbs are slender but not without their strength, and my body lacks mass but not sinews. Besides, the pleasure will add fuel for my strength. No girl has been fooled by my effort. Often I have consumed the time of the night lasciviously, only to wake up perfectly useful and strong in the morning.

Lucky is the one whom the mutual contests of Venus ruin! May that be the cause of my death! Let the soldier offer up his chest to the adverse slings and arrows and buy his eternal name with blood! Let the miser look for his fortune; let the sailor drink up with his treacherous mouth the waters which he wore out by ploughing. But let it fall to me to waste away in the motion of Venus, and when I die, let me go slack in the middle of the work. Then someone may say at my funeral, “At least your death was suited to your life!”

at mihi saevus amor somnos abrumpat inertes,
simque mei lecti non ego solus onus!
me mea disperdat nullo prohibente puella—
si satis una potest, si minus una, duae!
sufficiam—graciles, non sunt sine viribus artus;
pondere, non nervis corpora nostra carent;
et lateri dabit in vires alimenta voluptas.
decepta est opera nulla puella mea;
saepe ego lascive consumpsi tempora noctis,
utilis et forti corpore mane fui.
felix, quem Veneris certamina mutua perdunt!
di faciant, leti causa sit ista mei!
Induat adversis contraria pectora telis
miles et aeternum sanguine nomen emat.
quaerat avarus opes et, quae lassarit arando,
aequora periuro naufragus ore bibat.
at mihi contingat Veneris languescere motu,
cum moriar, medium solvar et inter opus;
atque aliquis nostro lacrimans in funere dicat:
‘conveniens vitae mors fuit ista tuae!’

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