F**kery Friday: The Bottom Bites Back

Antonio Beccadelli, Hermaphroditus 1.26

“Lupus, if Hisbo dines in your kitchen, why does he not then follow your orders? Even though you, his teacher, instruct him in grammar, why does he so often smack you with his dainty hand? I am no expert in Tiresian prophecy, nor do I know anything about the soothsayer’s art, but from conjecture and reason I know this one thing: if someone is easy in the night, he must be hard in the light. The person who is nice to you is the one whom you don’t fuck in the ass.”

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26. in Mathiam Lupium paediconem
Ergo tua, Lupi, si pascitur Hisbo culina,
Cur non obsequitur iussibus ille tuis?
Etsi grammatica instituas hunc arte magister,
Cur tibi dat tenera verbera crebra manu?
Nescio Thiresiae sortes, nec aruspicis artes,
Sed coniectura hoc et ratione scio:
Qui nocte est facilis, durus sit luce necesse est;
Quem non paedicas est tibi morigerus.

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