(I apologize to any readers who find the more prurient side of antiquity somewhat (or extremely) offensive, and hope that they will pass over this one. However, for those who delight in the tawdry stuff, I urge you to read on!)
“When Castor wanted to slobber on the medial member of many a man, but couldn’t have a mob at his house, that cocksucker figured out a way that he could avoid wasting any genitalia: he just gave his wife a lick instead.”
Lambere cum vellet mediorum membra virorum
Castor, nec posset vulgus habere domi,
Reperit, ut nullum fellator perderet inguen:
Uxoris coepit lingere membra suae.