Sappho ❤️ Paulus

An imagined situation: 

The poet Paulus Silentiarius (6th C. CE) complains to a confidant that his beloved, Sappho, is something of a cold fish. 

Meanwhile, Sappho (c.6th C. BCE) admits to the same confidant that actually, she’s overcome with lust whenever Paulus is around:  

Paulus Silentiarius 5.246 (Greek Anthology)

Soft are Sappho’s kisses!
Soft her embracing snow-white arms!
All of her body, soft.

But her heart, it’s steely and unyielding–
See how she loves to kiss, yet minds her chastity.

Who could bear this?
Perhaps, just perhaps, the stoical man
Who could easily bear Tantalus’s thirst.

Sappho Fr. 130.

Again, limb-liberating Lust rattles me.
He’s a beast both sweet and bitter
And cannot be fought off.

Paulus Silentiarius 5.246 (Greek Anthology)

μαλθακὰ μὲν Σαπφοῦς τὰ φιλήματα, μαλθακὰ γυίων
πλέγματα χιονέων, μαλθακὰ πάντα μέλη:
ψυχὴ δ᾽ ἐξ ἀδάμαντος ἀπειθέος: ἄχρι γὰρ οἴων
ἔστιν ἔρως στομάτων, τἆλλα δὲ παρθενίης.
καὶ τίς ὑποτλαίη; τάχα τις τάχα τοῦτο ταλάσσας
δίψαν Τανταλέην τλήσεται εὐμαρέως.

Sappho.Fr. 130.

Ἔρος δηὖτέ μ’ ὀ λυσιμέλης δόνει,
γλυκύπικρον ἀμάχανον ὄρπετον.

Edward Munch. The Kiss. 1895.
Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Courtly Fruit Lobbing

Or, how not to slide into DMs.

Diogenes Laertius Vita Phil 1.3 (32)= Greek Anthology 5.79

“I am tossing you an apple. If you willingly love me,
Take it and share with me your virginity.
But if the worst should happen and you retreat.
Take the apple and think: its ripeness is preciously brief.”

Τῷ μήλῳ βάλλω σε· σὺ δ᾽ εἰ μὲν ἑκοῦσα φιλεῖς με,
δεξαμένη τῆς σῆς παρθενίης μετάδος·
εἰ δ᾽ ἄρ᾽, ὃ μὴ γίγνοιτο, ὀκνεῖς, τοῦτ᾽ αὐτὸ λαβοῦσα
σκέψαι τὴν ὥρην ὡς ὀλιγοχρόνιος.

Diogenes attributes a companion couplet to Plato as well; the Greek Anthology gives it to Philodemos. How do you like those, um, apples?

Greek Anthology 5.80

 “I’m an apple. Someone who fancies you sent me your way.
Nod your head, Xanthippê. You and I are both starting to fade.”

Μῆλον ἐγώ· πέμπει με φιλῶν σέ τις. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπίνευσον,
Ξανθίππη· κἀγὼ καὶ σὺ μαραινόμεθα.

Ah, those virgins who make little of apples and much of time. What would Robert Herrick say?

Image result for medieval manuscript apple
A very different apple for a very different day.

This is essentially like saying:

I have sent you some fruit
So I can have sex with you.
So take off your top
Before my gift rots
Cause we both know that you’re rotting too.

Courtly Fruit Lobbing

Or, how not to slide into a lady’s DMs.

Diogenes Laertius Vita Phil 1.3 (32)= Greek Anthology 5.79

“I am tossing you an apple. If you willingly love me,
Take it and share with me your virginity.
But if the worst should happen and you retreat.
Take the apple and think: its ripeness is preciously brief.”

Τῷ μήλῳ βάλλω σε· σὺ δ᾽ εἰ μὲν ἑκοῦσα φιλεῖς με,
δεξαμένη τῆς σῆς παρθενίης μετάδος·
εἰ δ᾽ ἄρ᾽, ὃ μὴ γίγνοιτο, ὀκνεῖς, τοῦτ᾽ αὐτὸ λαβοῦσα
σκέψαι τὴν ὥρην ὡς ὀλιγοχρόνιος.

Diogenes attributes a companion couplet to Plato as well; the Greek Anthology gives it to Philodemos. How do you like those, um, apples?

Greek Anthology 5.80

 “I’m an apple. Someone who fancies you sent me your way.
Nod your head, Xanthippê. You and I are both starting to fade.”

Μῆλον ἐγώ· πέμπει με φιλῶν σέ τις. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπίνευσον,
Ξανθίππη· κἀγὼ καὶ σὺ μαραινόμεθα.

Ah, those virgins who make little of apples and much of time. What would Robert Herrick say?

Image result for medieval manuscript apple
A very different apple for a very different day.

This is essentially like saying:

I have sent you some fruit
So I can have sex with you.
So take of your top
Before my gift rots
Cause we both know that you’re rotting too.

More Aeneid Through Buffy GIFs: Aeneas’ Perplexing Shield

Vergil, Aeneid 8.729-731

“Such images he wondered at on Vulcan’s shield, a parent’s present,
and he delights in the picture, although ignorant of the affairs
as he lifts upon his shoulder, the fame and fate of his descendants.”

Talia per clipeum Volcani, dona parentis,
miratur rerumque ignarus imagine gaudet
attollens umero famamque et fata nepotum.

I thought that the wonder left in the world had been exhausted once Christian Lehmann had finished telling the story of Dido and Aeneas through Buffy GIFs. But, lo, what do I know? Zeus can make the day like night at midday, and the Master Christian Lehmann can strike again! Last night, he pounded out the images on Aeneas’ shield. (This is reproduced from twitter with his permission.)

 

Image result for buffy's special slayer scythe
Buffy has her own special weapon too

Plato’s Bad Example of Courtly Fruit Lobbing

Or, how not to slide into a lady’s DMs.

Diogenes Laertius Vita Phil 1.3 (32)= Greek Anthology 5.79

“I am tossing you an apple. If you willingly love me,
Take it and share with me your virginity.
But if the worst should happen and you retreat.
Take the apple and think: its ripeness is preciously brief.”

Τῷ μήλῳ βάλλω σε· σὺ δ᾽ εἰ μὲν ἑκοῦσα φιλεῖς με,
δεξαμένη τῆς σῆς παρθενίης μετάδος·
εἰ δ᾽ ἄρ᾽, ὃ μὴ γίγνοιτο, ὀκνεῖς, τοῦτ᾽ αὐτὸ λαβοῦσα
σκέψαι τὴν ὥρην ὡς ὀλιγοχρόνιος.

Diogenes attributes a companion couplet to Plato as well; the Greek Anthology gives it to Philodemos. How do you like those, um, apples?

Greek Anthology 5.80

 “I’m an apple. Someone who fancies you sent me your way.
Nod your head, Xanthippê. You and I are both starting to fade.”

Μῆλον ἐγώ· πέμπει με φιλῶν σέ τις. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπίνευσον,
Ξανθίππη· κἀγὼ καὶ σὺ μαραινόμεθα.

Ah, those virgins who make little of apples and much of time. What would Robert Herrick say?

Image result for medieval manuscript apple
A very different apple for a very different day.

This is essentially like saying:

I have sent you some fruit
So I can have sex with you.
So take of your top
Before my gift rots
Cause we both know that you’re rotting too.

Alexander in India: Talking Trees Prophesy Death

For previous translations from the Alexander Romance (attributed to Pseudo-Callisthenes but available in many different versions and languages), including Alexander’s visit with the naked-philosophers, go here.

Alexander’s Letter to Aristotle about India (Alexander Romance 3.17)

“Once we had organized everything, we went by the road that naturally leads to the Prasiakan land. And when I was ready to go, around the sixth hour, a wonder appeared in the sky in the third month, named Dios. First, a wind arose suddenly with a force that knocked the tents to the ground along with those of us who were standing around [the Armenian version goes on to describe a great deal of snow that killed many men]. After thirty days the road was passable and we departed. After five days we conquered Prasaikê along with Poros and all this stuff. His city overflowed with goods which I have already described to you.

When this happened and I was setting everything in perfectly good order, many of the Indians came to me willingly and were saying, “King Alexander, you will take cities, and palaces, mountains, and tribes, place where no living man or king has ever gone…” And then some very smart men came out and were saying to me “King, we have something beyond belief to show you. For we will show you plants that talk like men….” Then they led us to some preserve, a guard [for them]…and a temple of the sun and the moon. There are two trees there that talked. They were close in size to the cypress. The trees were in a circle, similar to the Egyptian chestnut tree and with similar fruit. They claimed that one was male with male offspring and one was female with female offspring—and that the name of one was the sun and the name of the female was the moon.

The trees had been draped with the skins of all sorts of animals (female skins on the female tree; male skins on the male tree). Near them there was neither iron, nor bronze, nor tin, nor clay for pottery. When I asked them what these hides seemed to be, they said they were from lions and leopards It is not possible to conduct a burial here without the priest of the sun and the moon. They use the skins of the beasts for ceremonial purposes.

I set out to learn about the origin of the trees. They said “When it is the first part of dawn and the sun is rising, a voice issues from the tree. And when the sun is at the middle of the sky and then again when it is about to set, a third time. The same thing occurs with the moon.” Men who appeared to be priests approached me saying “Enter cleansed and fall to your knees.” I took with me my friends Parmenion, Krateros, Iollas, Makhêtês, Thrasuleon, Theodektês, Diiphilos, Neokles, altogether ten. And the priest was saying “King, it is not permitted for iron to enter the shrine.” I ordered my men to put aside their swords. Unarmed men came from my army and I ordered them all to observe the place in a circle. Then I selected some men from the Indians to accompany us so they might interpret for me. I prayed to the Olympian Ammon, Athena the bringer of victory, and the other gods.

Just as the sun went down an Indian voice issued from the tree. It was interpreted by the Indians who were present with us. Because of fear, they were unwilling to translate it. I became agitated and berated them one by one. Eventually the Indians said this: “You will die soon at the hands of your friends.” Even though I and those with me were thunderstruck, I desired to get another oracle from the moon as it rose into sight. Now armed with knowledge of the future I entered and asked if I should embrace my mother Olympias and my relatives. Again then as my friends stood around the tree issued a voice to me, but this time in Greek, “King Alexander, you must die in Babylon. You will be slain by your own people and you will not return to your mother Olympias.”

“Even as my friends and I were distraught by this, I desired to bestow the finest garlands upon the gods. Then the priest was saying “It is not possible to do this. But if you will force it, do what you want. For there is no law written for a king.”

As I was laying in deep grief and disturbed, Parmenion and Philip encouraged me to go to sleep. But I was not able to sleep, I got up and left near dawn with my ten friends, the priest and the Indians and again when to the shrine giving out orders. I went to the shrine with the priest and once I placed my hand on the tree I questioned it asking “if the years of my life are done, I wish to learn this from you, whether I will return to Macedonia and greet my mother and my wife and die after.” Again, at the breaking of dawn when a ray of light it the top of the tree, a voice issued from it saying, “The years of your life are at end. You will not return to your mother Olympias, but you will die in Babylon. After a short time, your mother and wife will died badly at the hands of your friends. Your brother too, killed by those around you. Do not ask about these things any longer: you will not hear anything more about what you ask.”

Alexander india

Ταῦτα δὲ πάντα διοικονομήσαντες ἤλθομεν εἰς τὴν κατὰ φύσιν ὁδὸν τὴν φέρουσαν εἰς τὴν Πρασιακὴν γῆν. καὶ ἑτοίμως μου ἔχοντος ἀναζεῦξαι περὶ ἕκτην ὥραν γίνεται περὶ τὸν ἀέρα τοιαύτη θεωρία μηνὶ Δίῳ ἡμέρᾳ τρίτῃ· πρῶτον μὲν ἐξαίφνης πνοή, ὥστε τὰ σκηνώματα καταρριφῆναι καὶ ἡμᾶς ἑστῶτας εἰς τὸ ἔδαφος καταπεσεῖν . . . Μετὰ δὲ ἡμέρας λʹ τῆς ὁδοῦ εὐβάτου γενομένης ἀνεζεύξαμεν καὶ μεθ´ ἡμέρας εʹ ἐκυριεύσαμεν τῆς Πρασιακῆς πόλεως σὺν Πώρῳ καὶ τοῖς σὺν αὐτῷ [καὶ τοὺς ἐκείνῳ πᾶσιν]. παμπληθὴς δὲ ἦν ἀγαθοῖς, περὶ ὧν ἡμῖν γέγραπται. γενομένου δὲ 〈τούτου〉 καί μου τὰ πέριξ κατὰ φύσιν οἰκονομήσαντος καὶ τῶν Ἰνδῶν προθύμως συνελθόντων ἔλεγόν μοι· ‘Βασιλεῦ Ἀλέξανδρε, λήψῃ πόλεις καὶ βασιλείας καὶ ὄρη καὶ ἔθνη, εἰς ἃ οὐδεὶς τῶν ζώντων ἐπέβη 〈ποτὲ βασιλεύς〉.’ . . . τινὲς δὲ ἐκ τῶν πολυϊδρίων ἐλθόντες ἔλεγον· ‘Βασιλεῦ, ἔχομέν σοι δεῖξαί τι παράδοξον ἄξιόν σου· δείξομεν γάρ σοι 〈φυτὰ〉 ἀνθρωπιστὶ λαλοῦντα.’ . . . καὶ εἰσήνεγκαν ἡμᾶς εἴς τινα παράδεισον, ἔνθα . . . ἥλιος καὶ [ἡ] σελήνη ἐν μέσῳ τοῦ παραδείσου· † κατὰ δὲ αὐτοὺς φρουρὰ . . . ἱερὸν ἡλίου καὶ σελήνης. δύο δὲ ἦν δένδρα τὰ προειρημένα, ἃ ἦν παραπλήσια κυπαρίσσοις . . . κύκλῳ δὲ ἦν δένδρα [τὰ προειρημένα] παρόμοια τῇ ἐν Αἰγύπτῳ μυροβαλάνῳ, καὶ ὁ καρπὸς ὅμοιος. προσηγόρευον δὲ τὸ μὲν ἀρρενικὸν ἀρρένων λογισμόν, τὸ δὲ θηλυκὸν θηλειῶν· ὄνομα δὲ ἦν τοῦ ἑνὸς ἥλιος, τῆς δὲ θηλείας σελήνη, 〈ἃ〉 ἔλεγον τῇ ἰδίᾳ φωνῇ μουθοῦ ἐμαοῦσαι. ταῦτα δὲ περιεβέβλητο δορὰς παντοίων 〈θηρίων〉, τὸ μὲν ἄρρεν ἀρρένων τὸ δὲ θῆλυ θηλειῶν. παρ´ αὐτοῖς δὲ σίδηρος οὐχ ὑπῆρχεν οὔτε χαλκὸς οὔτε κασσίτερος οὔτε πηλὸς 〈εἰς〉 πλάσιν. ἐμοῦ δὲ ἐρωτῶντος τίνες αἱ δοραὶ δοκοῦσιν εἶναι, ἔφησαν λεόντων καὶ παρδάλεων. οὐκ ἔξεστι δὲ ὧδε τάφον ἔχειν εἰ μὴ τὸν τοῦ ἡλίου καὶ τῆς σελήνης 〈ἱερέα〉. περιβολαῖς δὲ ἐχρῶντο τῶν θηρίων ταῖς δοραῖς.

Περὶ δὲ τῶν δένδρων τὴν αἰτίαν ἐζήτουν μαθεῖν· οἱ δὲ ἔφησαν· ‘Πρωίας γενομένης, ὅταν ὁ ἥλιος ἀνατείλῃ, φωνὴ ἐκ τοῦ δένδρου φέρεται, καὶ ὅταν κατὰ μέσον τοῦ οὐρανοῦ γένηται, καὶ ὅταν μέλλῃ δύνειν, τοῦτο τρίτον· τὸ δ´ αὐτὸ καὶ ἐπὶ τῆς σελήνης.’ καὶ οἱ δοκοῦντες ἱερεῖς εἶναι προσῆλθόν μοι λέγοντες· ‘Εἴσελθε καθαρὸς καὶ προσκύνησον.’ συνεισῆγον δὲ τοὺς φίλους Παρμενίωνα Κρατερὸν 〈Φίλιππον〉 Ἰόλλαν Μαχήτην Θρασυλέοντα 〈Μαχάονα〉 Θεοδέκτην Διίφιλον Νεοκλῆν, ἄνδρας ιʹ. ὁ δὲ ἱερεὺς ἔλεγεν· ‘Βασιλεῦ, σίδηρον οὐ καθήκει εἰς τὸ ἱερὸν εἰσελθεῖν.’ Προστάσσω οὖν τοῖς φίλοις τὰ ξίφη ἀποθέσθαι ἔξω τοῦ περιβόλου· συνεισῆλθον δέ μοι ἐκ τῆς δυνάμεως ἄνδρες τʹ ἀμάχαιροι. ἐκέλευσα οὖν τοὺς σὺν ἐμοὶ πάντας κατοπτεῦσαι κύκλῳ τὸν τόπον. καὶ προσκαλοῦμαι ἐκ τῶν συνακολουθησάντων μοι Ἰνδῶν, ἵνα ἑρμηνείας τύχω παρ´ αὐτῶν. ὄμνυμι δὲ Ὀλύμπιον Ἄμμωνα Ἀθηνᾶν νικηφόρον θεοὺς ἅπαντας . . . ἅμα τῷ δῦναι τὸν ἥλιον φωνὴ ἠνέχθη Ἰνδικὴ ἐκ τοῦ δένδρου, ἣ ἑρμηνεύθη μοι ὑπὸ τῶν Ἰνδῶν τῶν ὄντων σὺν ἡμῖν. καὶ φοβούμενοι οὐκ ἤθελον μεθερμηνεῦσαι· σύννους ἐγενάμην καὶ εἵλκυσα αὐτοὺς κατὰ μόνας, καὶ εἶπον τοῦτο οἱ Ἰνδοί· ‘Ταχὺ ἀπολέσθαι ἔχεις ὑπὸ τῶν ἰδίων.’ ἐμοῦ δὲ καὶ τῶν παρεστηκότων μοι ἀποτερατωθέντων ἀπὸ τῆς σελήνης ἠβουλήθην πρὸς τὴν ἀνατολὴν ὀψίας πάλιν χρηματισθῆναι. εἰκάσας δὲ τὸ μέλλον εἰσῆλθον καὶ ἠξίωσα, εἰ ἀσπάσομαι τὴν μητέρα μου Ὀλυμπιάδα καὶ τοὺς γνησίους μου φίλους. πάλιν δέ μοι τῶν φίλων παρεστώτων ἅμα τῷ τὴν σελήνην ἀνατεῖλαι φωνὴν τὸ δένδρον τὴν αὐτὴν ἐξήνεγκεν Ἑλληνικῇ διαλέκτῳ· ‘Βασιλεῦ Ἀλέξανδρε, ἐν Βαβυλῶνι δεῖ σε ἀποθανεῖν· ὑπὸ τῶν ἰδίων ἀναιρῇ καὶ οὐ δύνασαι ἀνακομισθῆναι πρὸς τὴν μητέρα σου Ὀλυμπιάδα.’

Ἐμοῦ δὲ λίαν καὶ τῶν φίλων μου θαυμαζόντων ἐβουλόμην στεφάνους καλλίστους περιθεῖναι τοῖς θεοῖς. τοῦ δὲ ἱερέως λέγοντος· ‘Οὐκ ἐξὸν τοῦτο γενέσθαι· εἰ δὲ βιάζει, πρᾶξον ὃ θέλεις· βασιλεῖ γὰρ νόμος ἄγραφος’ . . . περιλύπου δέ μου διακειμένου καὶ λίαν δυσφοροῦντος ὅ τε Παρμενίων καὶ ὁ Φίλιππος παρεκάλουν με περὶ τὸν ὕπνον γενέσθαι· μὴ βουληθέντος δέ μου ἀναστὰς ὤρθρισα 〈καὶ〉 περὶ τὴν ἀνατολὴν σὺν τοῖς ιʹ φίλοις καὶ τῷ ἱερεῖ καὶ τοῖς Ἰνδοῖς πάλιν εἰς τὸ ἱερὸν ἀπελθὼν καὶ διαστολὰς δοὺς προσελθών τε εἰς τὸ ἱερὸν σὺν τῷ ἱερεῖ καὶ ἐπιθεὶς τὴν χεῖρα πρὸς τὸ δένδρον ἐπηρώτησα λέγων· ‘Εἰ πεπλήρωταί μοι τὰ τῆς ζωῆς ἔτη, τοῦτο βούλομαι παρ´ ὑμῶν μαθεῖν, εἰ ἀνακομισθήσομαι εἰς Μακεδονίαν καὶ ἀσπάσομαι τὴν μητέρα μου καὶ τὴν γυναῖκα, καὶ τότε † ἀπαναλῦσαι.’ Ἅμα δὲ τῷ γενέσθαι τὴν ἀνατολὴν τοῦ ἡλίου καὶ βαλεῖν τὴν αὐγὴν εἰς τὴν κορυφὴν τοῦ δένδρου φωνὴ ἐξαυδᾷ διαρρήδην λέγουσα· ‘Πεπλήρωταί σου τὰ τῆς ζωῆς ἔτη καὶ ἀνακομισθῆναι οὐκ ἔχεις πρὸς Ὀλυμπιάδα τὴν μητέρα σου, ἀλλ´ ἐν Βαβυλῶνι ἔχεις ἀπολέσθαι. μετὰ δὲ ὀλίγον χρόνον καὶ ἡ μήτηρ σου καὶ ἡ γυνή σου κακὴν κακῶς ἀπολοῦνται ὑπὸ τῶν ἰδίων καὶ αἱ ἀδελφαί σου ὑπὸ τῶν περὶ σέ. καὶ περὶ τούτων μηκέτι ἀξίου· οὐ γὰρ ἀκούσῃ ἔτι πρὸς ἃ ἀξιοῖς.’

Alexander The Great, Philosopher

Pseudo-Callisthenes, Alexander Romance 3.6-7 (Go here for collated Greek texts and a translation)

Alexander continues his conversation with the gymnosophists in India and ends it with an epic mic-drop.

 

“He asked again, “What is greater, land or the sea.?” And one responded, “Land, for the sea rests upon the earth.” Then he asked “Which of all the beasts is the most capable?” And another answered, “man…” Then he said to another, “Whom can we not deceive but must always present with the truth?” And he answered, “God: for we cannot deceive one who knows everything?” And then he said to them, “What do you want to ask of me?” And he said “Immortality.” Alexander said, “I do not have this wealth—for I too am merely mortal.” And they said, “Since you are mortal, why do you make so much war? Is it so that you may seize everything and carry it off somewhere? You will leave them to others in turn.”

And Alexander said to them, “These things depend on the will of those above—and we are but servants of their assignment. The sea will not move unless the wind blows. The trees will not dance unless the air strikes them. Man accomplishes nothing without the will of those above. Even though I wish to stop warring, the tyrant of my mind does not allow it.   If we were all in agreement; the universe would be sluggish, the sea would not fill; the land would not be farmed; marriages would not be completed, and there would be no child-bearing.  How many met misfortune in the wars I waged by losing all their possessions? Well, how many profited from their losses? For all who steal from others eventually leave their possessions to others still. Nothing belongs to anyone.” After he said this, Alexander walked away…”

Gymnosophists

εἶπε πάλιν· ‘τί πλεῖον, ἡ γῆ ἢ ἡ θάλασσα;’ εἶπεν· ‘ἡ γῆ· καὶ γὰρ αὐτὴ ἡ θάλασσα ἐπὶ τῆς γῆς ἵδρυται.’ ὁ δὲ εἶπε· ‘τί πάντων τῶν θηρίων πανουργότερον;’ καὶ εἶπεν· ‘ὁ ἄνθρωπος.’ . . . ἑτέρῳ ἔφη· ‘τίνα οὐ δυνάμεθα ψεύσασθαι, ἀλλὰ τὸν ἀληθινὸν λόγον αὐτῷ προσφέρομεν;’ — ‘θεόν· οὐ γὰρ δυνάμεθα ψεύσασθαι τὸν πάντα εἰδότα.’ . . . Εἶπεν αὐτοῖς· ‘τί θέλετε ἐξαιτήσασθαί με;’ οἱ δὲ εἶπον· ‘ἀθανασίαν.’ ὁ δὲ Ἀλέξανδρος εἶπεν· ‘ταύτην ἐγὼ οὐκ ἔχω τὴν ἐξουσίαν· καὶ γὰρ ἐγὼ θνητὸς ὑπάρχω.’ οἱ δὲ εἶπον· ‘τί τοίνυν θνητὸς ὑπάρχων τοσαῦτα πολεμεῖς; ἵνα πάντα ἄρας που ἀπενέγκῃς; σὺ πάλιν αὐτὰ ἑτέροις καταλείψεις.’ καὶ εἶπεν αὐτοῖς ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος· ‘ταῦτα ἐκ τῆς ἄνωθεν προνοίας διοικοῦνται, ἵνα ἡμεῖς [ὑμῖν] διάκονοι γενώμεθα τῆς ἐκείνων ἐπιταγῆς. οὐ γὰρ κινεῖται θάλασσα, εἰ μὴ πνεύσῃ ἄνεμος, οὐδὲ σαλεύεται δένδρα, εἰ μὴ ῥιπίζῃ πνεῦμα, οὐκ ἐνεργεῖται ἄνθρωπος εἰ μὴ ἐκ τῆς ἄνωθεν προνοίας. κἀγὼ δὲ παύσασθαι θέλω τοῦ πολεμεῖν, ἀλλ´ οὐκ ἐᾷ με ὁ τῆς γνώμης μου δεσπότης. εἰ γὰρ πάντες ὁμογνώμονες ἦμεν, ἀργὸς ἐτύγχανεν ὁ κόσμος, θάλασσα οὐκ ἐπλέετο, γῆ οὐκ ἐγεωργεῖτο, γάμοι οὐκ ἐπετελοῦντο, παιδοποιίαι οὐκ ἦσαν. πόσοι γὰρ ἐν τοῖς ὑπ´ ἐμοῦ γενομένοις πολέμοις ἐδυστύχησαν ἀπολέσαντες τὰ ἴδια, ἄλλοι δὲ ηὐτύχησαν ἐκ τῶν ἀλλοτρίων; πάντες γὰρ τὰ πάντων λαμβάνοντες ἑτέροις παραχωροῦμεν καὶ οὐδενὶ οὐδὲν ὑπάρχει.’ Οὕτως εἰπὼν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἀπεχώρει . . .

Naked-Philosophers: Alexander in India

I am currently jet-lagged in India. So, what Greek should I decide to read but the Alexander Romance attributed to Pseud0-Callisthenes. There are dozens of versions of this legendary version of Alexander’s exploits and journeys–and some of the details are extraordinary, to say the least. You can find a collated translation online for free. Now, I do not mean by any measure to compare myself to Alexander. The reading is merely thematic!

In the passage below, Alexander meets and interrogates the famous ascetic philosophers of India, the gymnosophists (lit. “naked philosophers”).

Alexander

 

“After these events [Alexander] made an expedition to the Oksudrakai, not because they were bellicose, but because they were gymnosophists who inhabited caves and thickets. They wrote a letter to him: We, the Brakhmanes, write to Alexander, the human being. If you come to us in an act of war, you will benefit in no way. For you will be able to carry nothing away from us. But if you want what we have, there is no reason to fit for it. For it is your nature to war, ours to philosophize.”

After he read this, Alexander went to them in peace and saw that all of them were half naked. So he asked: “Don’t you live in tombs? And they responded: “This is the place we inhabit and it is ours….” …And turning to another he asked, “Who are greater in number, the living or the dead?” they answered “The dead are more numerous, but do no measure those who no longer are. For those who are seen outnumber those who no longer appear. “ Then he inquired of another “What is stronger, death or life?” And he answered, “Life, because the rising sun has stronger rays, but as it sets it is much weaker.”

[5] E   Μετὰ δὲ ταῦτα τὴν ὁδοιπορίαν πρὸς Ὀξυδράκας ἐποιεῖτο οὐχ ὡς ὄντας πολεμιστάς, ἀλλ´ ὡς γυμνοσοφιστὰς εἰς καλύβας καὶ εἰς κατάγαια καταμένοντας. οἱ δὲ γράφουσιν αὐτῷ ἐπιστολήν· ‘Βραχμᾶνες γυμνοσοφισταὶ Ἀλεξάνδρῳ ἀνθρώπῳ ἐγράψαμεν. εἰ μὲν πρὸς ἡμᾶς παραγίνῃ πολεμήσων, οὐδὲν ὀνήσῃ· τὶ γὰρ 〈παρ´〉 ἡμῶν βαστάσαι οὐκ ἔχεις. εἰ δὲ θέλεις ὅσα ἔχομεν, οὐ δέεται ταῦτα 〈τοῦ〉 πολεμῆσαι· σοὶ γὰρ ἕπεται πολεμεῖν, ἡμῖν δὲ φιλοσοφεῖν.’

[6] E   Οὕτως ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἀναγνοὺς εἰρηνικῶς πρὸς αὐτοὺς πορεύεται καὶ ὁρᾷ πάντας γυμνοπεριβόλους. ἐξετάζει οὖν· ‘Τάφους οὐκ ἔχετε;’ οἱ δὲ εἶπον· ‘Τοῦτο τὸ χώρημα, ὅπου μένομεν, ἔστιν ἡμῶν . . .’ καὶ στραφεὶς ἑτέρῳ εἶπε· ‘τίνες πλείονες, ἐκεῖνοι οἱ τελευτήσαντες ἢ οἱ ζῶντες;’ καὶ ἀπεκρίθησαν· ‘οἱ μὲν τελευτήσαντες πλείονες, ἀλλὰ μὴ μέτρει τοὺς μηκέτι ὄντας· οἱ γὰρ ὁρώμενοι πλείονές εἰσι τῶν μηκέτι φαινομένων.’ καὶ ἑτέρου ἐπύθετο· ‘τί ἰσχυρότερον, θάνατος ἢ ζωή;’ εἶπεν· ‘ζωή, ὅτι ὁ ἥλιος ἀνατέλλων ἰσχυροτέρας τὰς ἀκτῖνας ἔχει, ἑσπέρας δὲ δύνων ἀσθενέστερος ὁρᾶται.’