How To Recognize a Grouch

Theophrastus, Characters: Grouchiness 

“Grouchiness is harshness in social interactions. The grouch is the kind of person who:

When asked, “where is this person?” responds, “Don’t interrupt me.”

Or he does not answer when someone addresses him

Or if he is selling something does not tell people who want to buy it how much it costs but asks instead, “what will it get?”

To those who honor him and send him something on holidays, he says that there won’t be anything in return.

He won’t forgive when someone spills something on them or bumps into him or steps on his foot.

Or, once he has refused to give a loan to a friend asking for one, returns later bringing the funds and saying that he’s wasting this money too.

Or he curses the paving stone when he trips in the street

Or he refuses to wait for anyone very long.

Or he never is willing to sing or recite a speech or dance.

He tends not to pray, even to the gods.”

(1) ἡ δὲ αὐθάδειά ἐστιν ἀπήνεια ὁμιλίας ἐν λόγοις, ὁ δὲ αὐθάδης τοιοῦτός τις,

(2) οἷος ἐρωτηθείς· “ὁ δεῖνα ποῦ ἐστιν;” εἰπεῖν· “πράγματά μοι μὴ πάρεχε.”

(3) καὶ προσαγορευθεὶς μὴ ἀντιπροσειπεῖν.

(4) καὶ πωλῶν τι μὴ λέγειν τοῖς ὠνουμένοις πόσου ἂν ἀποδοῖτο, ἀλλ᾿ ἐρωτᾶν “τί εὑρίσκει;”

(5) καὶ τοῖς τιμῶσι καὶ πέμπουσιν εἰς τὰς ἑορτὰς εἰπεῖν, ὅτι οὐκ ἂν γένοιτο διδόμενα.
(6) καὶ οὐκ ἔχειν συγγνώμην οὔτε τῷ ῥυπώσαντι αὐτὸν ἀκουσίως οὔτε τῷ ὤσαντι οὔτε τῷ ἐμβάντι.

(7) καὶ φίλῳ δὲ ἔρανον κελεύσαντι εἰσενεγκεῖν εἰπών, ὅτι οὐκ ἂν δοίη, ὕστερον ἥκειν φέρων καὶ λέγειν, ὅτι ἀπόλλυσι καὶ τοῦτο τὸ ἀργύριον.

(8) καὶ προσπταίσας ἐν τῇ ὁδῷ δεινὸς καταράσασθαι τῷ λίθῳ.

(9) καὶ [ἀναμεῖναι] οὐκ ἂν ὑπομείναι πολὺν χρόνον οὐθένα.

(10) καὶ οὔτε ᾆσαι οὔτε ῥῆσιν εἰπεῖν οὔτε ὀρχήσασθαι ἂν ἐθελήσειεν·4

(11) δεινὸς δὲ καὶ τοῖς θεοῖς μὴ ἐπεύχεσθαι.

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