Don’t Make Babies When You’re Drunk

Plutarch, On the Education of Children 1D-2A

“In connection with this it is necessary to cover something which has not be passed over by earlier writers. What is this? The fact that men who come near their wives for the sake of baby-making should do so completely sober or, at the very least, after drinking only moderately.

For children who were made by fathers who were drunk at the time of their sowing turn out to be lovers of drink and drunks themselves. This is why, when Diogenes saw a young man who was out-of-his mind drunk, said “Young man, your father sired you when he was drunk.” That’s enough said about my ideas about fathering children…”

᾿Εχόμενον δ’ ἂν εἴη τούτων εἰπεῖν ὅπερ οὐδὲ τοῖς πρὸ ἡμῶν παρεωρᾶτο. τὸ ποῖον; ὅτι τοὺς ἕνεκα παιδοποιίας πλησιάζοντας ταῖς γυναιξὶν ἤτοι τὸ παράπαν ἀοίνους ἢ μετρίως γοῦν οἰνωμένους ποιεῖσθαι προσήκει τὸν συνουσιασμόν. φίλοινοι γὰρ καὶ μεθυστικοὶ γίγνεσθαι φιλοῦσιν ὧν ἂν τὴν ἀρχὴν τῆς σπορᾶς οἱ πατέρες ἐν μέθῃ ποιησάμενοι τύχωσιν. ᾗ καὶ Διογένης μειράκιον ἐκστατικὸν ἰδὼν καὶ παραφρονοῦν “νεανίσκε” ἔφησεν, “ὁ πατήρ σε μεθύων ἔσπειρε.” καὶ περὶ μὲν τῆς γενέσεως τοσαῦτ’ εἰρήσθω μοι…